Hey! Who Stole the Toilet? Read online

  George’s legs scrambled over to a nearby tree. His back started scratching against the tree bark like a big bear. “Ribbit! Ribbit! ROAR!” his mouth shouted.

  A moment later, all the scouts and Troop Leader Buttonwood surrounded him. A flashlight was pointed right at his eyes. Julianna was holding it.

  “George! All that noise! It was you!” Julianna shouted. Everybody looked really, really mad. All except Alex. He knew what was going on.

  Then George felt something go pop! It was like a bee stinger bursting a balloon in the bottom of his belly. The air rushed right out of him. The super burp was gone.

  “George!” the troop leader shouted. “Why were you making all those noises? You scared the whole troop!”

  George opened his mouth to say, “I’m sorry.” And that’s exactly what came out.

  “Don’t try anything like that again,” Troop Leader Buttonwood told him. “There’s no badge for practical joking, you know.”

  “Yes, sir,” George answered.

  “I knew it was him all the time,” Louie said as he picked a piece of white marshmallow booger out of his nostril. “He didn’t scare me one bit.”

  “Now come on,” Troop Leader Buttonwood said. He turned and tripped over a rock. “I’m okay,” he told the kids. “I meant to do that. To show you there was a rock there. Don’t trip over it when you walk back to the campsite.”

  “Um…I can’t go back yet,” George told him.

  “Why not?” Troop Leader Buttonwood asked.

  “Because I still have to…well…you know,” George answered.

  “Oh.” The troop leader understood. “Okay. But hurry up. It’s almost time for lights out. And no more fooling around.”

  George nodded and waited for everyone to leave. Toilet or no toilet, he had to go now. There were some things even the super burp couldn’t control.

  Chapter 9

  “You’re supposed to wave the flyswatter at the fly,” Louie told Max and Mike early the next morning as Troop 307 went on their nature hike in the woods. “When you guys volunteered to swat all the flies that came near me, I thought you would do it right.”

  “Sorry, Louie,” Max said.

  “We’ll swat the next fly,” Mike added. “You’ll see.”

  Suddenly, a fly landed right on Louie’s nose. Max and Mike slammed their swatters right down on it.

  “Ouch!” Louie shouted. “What did you do that for?”

  “We were swatting the fly,” Max explained.

  “But we missed,” Mike added.

  Louie scowled and rubbed the bandage that was covering his burned, sore nose. “This hike is the pits,” he said.

  Actually, Louie wasn’t the only kid who felt that way. Beaver Scout Troop 307 had been hiking in the woods for hours. Or at least it seemed that way to George. But they didn’t seem to be getting anywhere. They were just going around and around in circles.

  “I think we walked past that same tree a little while ago,” Alex told Troop Leader Buttonwood.

  “How do you know if it’s the same tree?” Louie asked Alex. “All these trees look alike.”

  “Look.” Alex pointed to a small brown nest high up in the branches. “I already spotted that yellow-bellied sapsucker in her nest twenty minutes ago. I checked it off on my list. I’m really close to getting that bird-watching badge.”

  “That’s a dweeby badge,” Louie told Alex.

  “It is not,” Alex insisted. “There are no dweeby Beaver Scout badges.”

  “Boys, stop arguing,” Troop Leader Buttonwood said. “I’m trying to figure out where we are.”

  “You mean you don’t really know?” Sage asked him.

  “Well, we traveled off the trail,” Troop Leader Buttonwood said. “But don’t worry. I have a map of the Beaver Scout campgrounds.” He reached into his backpack and dug around. “At least I thought I brought the map. Unless…”

  “Unless?” Julianna asked him.

  “Unless I didn’t. I was studying it this morning to see which trail to take, and I must have left it in my tent.”

  Sage looked like she was going to cry. “Oh no. We’re lost in the woods!”

  Just then a brown-and-black chipmunk raced across the path. Louie jumped and let out a scream.

  George laughed. “It’s just a chipmunk, Louie,” he said. “Sheesh.”

  “That wasn’t a chipmunk. It was a big rat,” Louie said. He looked at Max and Mike. “Wasn’t it, you guys?”

  “Well, it had a tail,” Max said. “Rats have tails.”

  “And it was sorta fat,” Mike added. “Rats are fat…sometimes.”

  “See?” Louie told George. “Ouch! I think I just got stung by something.”

  “I hate bugs!” Louie shouted. “And I hate rats. What kind of woods are these, anyway?”

  Sage grabbed George’s arm. “I’m glad you’re here to protect me from the wild rats and mosquitoes.”

  George yanked away his arm. Who was going to protect him from Sage?

  “I know we’re supposed to be heading north,” Troop Leader Buttonwood said. “But which way is north?” He looked around. “The sun rises in the east and sets in the west. Does anyone remember where the sunrise started?”

  “My feet are sweating in these boots,” Sage complained. “They’re going to stink.”

  “That’s because your boots are made of rubber,” Alex told her. “Rubber makes your feet sweaty.”

  “Now you tell me.” Sage looked at Julianna. “My stinky, sweaty feet are all your fault.”

  “It’s not my fault,” Julianna insisted.

  “Kids, calm down,” Troop Leader Buttonwood insisted. “I can figure this out, I think.”

  “You think?” Sage shouted.

  “I’ll get us out of this.” Louie reached into his backpack and pulled out a cell phone. “I’ll call my dad. He’ll send a park ranger or someone to help us.” He looked down at the phone. “Hey! I’m not getting any service. What kind of uncivilized woods are these, anyway?”

  “Woods are supposed to be uncivilized,” George said. “That’s the whole point.”

  “Yeah, well, I want to get back to civilization,” Louie said. “And how am I supposed to do that without a cell phone?”

  “With this,” Julianna said. She held up the compass around her neck. “The arrow will tell us which way is north.”

  “Great!” Troop Leader Buttonwood said.

  “You saved us!” Sage exclaimed.

  George looked over at Louie as the troop hiked north. “And you didn’t want Julianna to come on this camping trip.”

  Louie rolled his eyes. “So she has a necklace with an arrow. Big deal.”

  “Not a necklace, a compass,” Julianna corrected him.

  “And it’s a huge deal,” Alex said. “It’ll help us get back to the campsite.”

  “It’s also earning Julianna her Explorer badge,” Troop Leader Buttonwood said.

  “Cool beans!” Chris exclaimed.

  “Congratulations. And I’m sorry for getting mad before,” Sage told Julianna.

  “Hey, Louie?” George asked. “Isn’t the Explorer badge the only one your brother Sam didn’t get?”

  Louie didn’t say a word. He just looked ahead and kept hiking.

  George grinned. That compass really was something special. It was the only thing George had ever seen that could shut Louie up.

  Chapter 10

  By the time Troop 307 got back to the campsite, they were hot, tired, and really, really hungry.

  “We’re going to have hamburgers,” Troop Leader Buttonwood told the troops. “But I think we’re running a little low on firewood.”

  “I’ll go get some,” George said. He wanted to be extra helpful to make up for his burp-out last night.

  “Great,” Troop Leader Buttonwood said. “We don’t need a lot because we’re going to put the fire out right after lunch. So just get some twigs and a few thick branches.”

  “I’ll help you, Georg
ie,” Sage said.

  “I can handle it,” George told her. Then he hurried into the woods.

  It was amazing how not scary the woods were in the daylight. Last night it had been really creepy out there. But now George thought it was kind of nice to be alone.

  Crack.

  But was he alone?

  Crack.

  George heard a noise again. It sounded like a twig breaking under someone’s foot. Oh no! Was Sage following him again?

  George turned. But he didn’t see Sage.

  Crack.

  There it was again.

  “Ribbit…”

  Okay. That wasn’t Sage.

  “ROAR!”

  Gulp. Now George knew for sure he wasn’t alone.

  Two big green paws attached to two big, green, and furry arms spread apart the bushes.

  Holy guacamole!

  Suddenly George found himself standing face-to-face with…Triple F.

  This—this thing—was real, and it was at least eight feet tall.

  “Rrroar! Ribbit! Rrroar!” The Ferocious Furry Frog growled at George. Then it hopped toward him.

  George gulped. He blinked his eyes. He still couldn’t believe what he was seeing!

  Triple F was really real! And from the way it was smacking its big, green lips, it was clearly hungry! Unfortunately, the only thing on the menu was George.

  This was about as ba-a-ad as things could get. And then things got worse!

  Oh no! A super burp was bing-bonging around in George’s belly.

  “Ribbit! Roar!” Triple F growled.

  Bing-bong! Ping-pong!

  “Ribbit…”

  Bing-bong…

  “Ribbit…”

  George let out a huge, superloud super burp. The force of the burp shook the trees so hard, leaves fell off.

  Triple F’s frog eyes bugged out at the sound. The monster blinked as if it couldn’t believe what it was seeing. The fur stood up on its back.

  Triple F let out a mighty “Ribbit! Roar!” He stared at George. And then…it hopped off into the forest as fast as its frog legs could go. George couldn’t believe it. The super burp had scared off Triple F!

  And then, suddenly, George felt something pop in his belly. All the air rushed out of him. The super burp was gone. But George was still there. And he knew exactly what he had to do!

  Run!

  “What do you mean, Where’s the wood?” George asked his friends a few minutes later when he got to the campsite. “Didn’t you hear what I just told you? I saw Triple F. And I scared it away.”

  “All I hear is my stomach grumbling,” Louie told him. “And we can’t cook the hamburgers until we have some wood.”

  “But it was huge,” George said. “It could have eaten us all. Those humongous animal tracks we saw when we got here yesterday? I bet those were Triple F’s! And you should have heard it roar.”

  “We heard something that sounded like a loud frog ribbit,” Julianna said. “Only it was you…again.”

  “Just like last night,” Sage said.

  George looked at Alex. Not even his best friend believed him. Of course it was hard to believe…a gigantic, furry frog scared off by a super burp—unless you were there to see it.

  This really stunk. George deserved a merit badge for bravery. For once the super burp had done something right. And nobody cared.

  Chapter 11

  “And here’s your Explorer badge,” Troop Leader Buttonwood said at the next troop meeting. He handed Julianna a badge with a telescope on it.

  Julianna was beaming. “Thanks,” she said.

  Everyone in the troop was taking home badges to sew onto their uniforms.

  “Did you see my Bird-Watching badge?” Alex asked George. “It’s got a robin on it.”

  “Georgie, look!” Sage shoved a badge with a flower on it under George’s nose. “I got it for identifying wildflowers. Isn’t it adorable?”

  George rolled his eyes. You didn’t call Beaver Scout badges adorable.

  “Your Water Safety badge is great,” Sage went on. “Every time I see you wearing it, I’ll remember how you saved my life.”

  George turned to Chris. “Let me see your Art badge again.”

  “Sure!” Chris said. Chris had made a huge Toiletman statue out of papier-mâché. He had brought it to the meeting to show everyone. A roll of toilet paper hung from Toiletman’s plunger.

  George laughed. “Nice job, dude,” he said. “Now we’re all set for the next camping trip!”

  Chris smiled. “Exactly. A Beaver Scout is always prepared,” he joked.

  Forget toilet paper, George was prepared in case something even worse came up on the next camping trip. Triple F repellant. And it came in the form of the magical super burp. Hey, at least it was good for something.

  About the Author

  Nancy Krulik is the author of more than 150 books for children and young adults including three New York Times best sellers and the popular Katie Kazoo, Switcheroo books. She lives in New York City with her family, and many of George Brown’s escapades are based on things her own kids have done. (No one delivers a good burp quite like Nancy’s son, Ian!) Nancy’s favorite thing to do is laugh, which comes in pretty handy when you’re trying to write funny books!

  About the Illustrator

  Aaron Blecha was raised by a school of giant squid in Wisconsin and now lives with his family by the English seaside. He works as an artist designing toys, animating cartoons, and illustrating books, including the Zombiekins and The Rotten Adventures of Zachary Ruthless series. You can enjoy more of his weird creations at www.monstersquid.com.