Dance Your Pants Off! Read online

  For my grandparents, who always

  believed I could—NK

  For Asa—new little human being and nephew—AB

  GROSSET & DUNLAP

  Published by the Penguin Group

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  Text copyright © 2013 by Nancy Krulik. Illustrations copyright © 2013 by Aaron Blecha. All rights reserved. Published by Grosset & Dunlap, a division of Penguin Young Readers Group, 345 Hudson Street, New York, New York 10014. GROSSET & DUNLAP is a trademark of Penguin Group (USA) Inc. Printed in the U.S.A.

  Library of Congress Control Number: 2012012897

  ISBN 978-1-101-61093-0

  by Nancy Krulik

  illustrated by Aaron Blecha

  Grosset & Dunlap

  An Imprint of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

  Contents

  Dedication

  Copyright

  Title Page

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  About the Author and Illustrator

  “Let me go!”

  George Brown started squirming all around. But no matter how much he twisted and turned, he could not wrestle himself away from the grip his best friend Alex had on him. “There’s no way I’m doing that again!” George shouted.

  “You’re not leaving the rest of us here to face her,” Alex said as he pulled George into the classroom. “And you can’t run away from school. You’ll get in huge trouble.”

  George frowned. Alex was right. He was stuck. Grrr. What a way to start a Friday.

  “I hate when Mrs. Kelly moves the desks,” George’s pal Julianna groaned as she walked into the room with George and Alex.

  George felt the same way. Whenever their teacher moved the desks to the sides of the room, it could mean only one thing . . .

  “Dancing,” George, Julianna, and Alex groaned at the exact same time.

  “What kind of dance do you think she’s going to force on us today?” George asked. “I hope it’s not another bullfight bossa nova.”

  George used his fingers to make horns on either side of his head. Alex waved his sweatshirt like a matador’s cape, and George charged at him. Meanwhile, Julianna moved her feet back and forth in a bossa nova dance step.

  “I’m guessing it’s going to have something to do with ancient Egypt,” Alex said. “That’s our next social studies unit, isn’t it?”

  Before George could answer, Mrs. Kelly came waltzing into the classroom. Well, not waltzing, actually. More like bobbing up and down and moving her head from side to side.

  But the way Mrs. Kelly was moving wasn’t nearly as strange as the way she looked. She was wearing a long black wig with bangs in the front. The wig was on crooked, so the bangs kind of hung down one side of her face. On top of the wig, she was wearing a crown with a big snake on it.

  “Ancient Egyptians sure dressed weird,” George whispered to his friends.

  “I wonder if they danced weird, too,” Julianna added.

  “Every dance Mrs. Kelly does is weird,” Alex pointed out.

  “What kind of dance did ancient Egyptians do?” George asked his friends.

  “I have no idea,” Julianna said. “But whatever it was, they did it a long, long time ago.”

  Suddenly, a really strange song began blaring from Mrs. Kelly’s MP3 player. “This was my favorite song when I was in college,” she told the kids.

  “That really was a long, long time ago,” George whispered to Julianna and Alex. They both started laughing.

  “You’re gonna get it now,” Louie whispered to George. “Mrs. Kelly takes dancing really seriously.”

  But Mrs. Kelly wasn’t mad. “That’s right, kids. Laugh,” she said. “It’s fun to dance.”

  George shot Louie a triumphant smile.

  “Walk like an Egyptian!” Mrs. Kelly sang out along with the music. She turned to the side, stuck one arm out in front and one arm out in back. Then she started moving her head back and forth like a bobblehead doll.

  George nearly choked holding back his laughter. Apparently people walked really weird in ancient Egypt. Of course George didn’t say that out loud. Ever since he’d arrived at Edith B. Sugarman Elementary School, he was trying to be the new, improved George. And new, improved George didn’t make fun of his teachers. No matter how bizarrely they acted.

  “Come on, everyone, do the ‘Walk Like an Egyptian’ dance with me!” Mrs. Kelly urged the class.

  Dance? That didn’t look like any dance George had seen anyone do before. It didn’t look like anything he’d ever seen anyone do before.

  Mrs. Kelly danced over to him. She moved her head back and forth, and her wig slipped a little farther down the side of her head. “Walk like an Egyptian,” she sang out again.

  George had no choice. He started bobbing his head back and forth and wiggling his hips. The next thing he knew, Sage was wiggling around beside him. Oh man. George hated dancing. And he didn’t like Sage too much, either. So dancing with Sage was double rotten.

  None of the kids looked too happy. But they were stuck, and they knew it. One by one they started dancing around the room with their arms pointing back and forth and their heads shaking.

  “Phew! That was fun!” Mrs. Kelly exclaimed when the song finished. She pulled a tissue out from her sleeve and wiped away the big globs of sweat that had formed on her forehead. “What a great way to start our study of ancient Egypt.”

  “Are we going to learn about the pyramids?” Sage asked Mrs. Kelly. “My father says pyramids are magical.”

  “You will definitely get a chance to study the pyramids,” Mrs. Kelly assured her. “And the pharaohs and hieroglyphic picture writing. I know you’re going to love it. And I want to hear all about what you’ve learned when I get back to school.”

  That surprised everyone.


  “Where are you going?” Sage asked.

  Mrs. Kelly gave her a big, gummy smile. “I’m going to be dancing on TV!”

  “How long will you be gone?” Alex asked.

  “Well, that depends on how well I do,” Mrs. Kelly answered. “It’s a brand-new dance contest show. As long as I’m not voted off the show, I will be spending my days in the Beaver Brook Ballet Studio practicing my routines. I start rehearsals tomorrow. The first show is on at eight Monday night. I hope you’ll all watch!”

  Wow. George could hardly believe what he was hearing. Mrs. Kelly dancing on TV! He really had to hand it to her. She might not have any dancing talent, but she sure had guts!

  The kids were still buzzing about Mrs. Kelly when they walked into the cafeteria at lunchtime.

  “We have a teacher who’s going to be a TV star!” Sage said. “This is so exciting.”

  “I wonder how long she will stay on the show,” Julianna said.

  George didn’t think it would be very long. Mrs. Kelly loved to dance, but she wasn’t all that good at it. The judges would probably vote her off the first night. But he didn’t say that. The new, improved George tried hard not to say mean things.

  “Hey, check out the lunch today,” Julianna said, interrupting George’s thoughts. She pointed to the big board behind the lunch counter. “Flat bread, lentil pottage, and sunbaked chicken legs. What’s pottage?”

  “Maybe it’s that gooey stew thing,” Alex said, pointing.

  George peered over the counter at some brownish glop with little lentils in it. It looked disgusting. Not that it mattered. Even if George put some on his tray, there would be no way to eat it. Someone had taken away all the knives, forks, and spoons.

  “Anybody see the silverware?” George asked.

  Just then, Mrs. Crumb, the lunch lady, appeared behind the lunch counter. She was wearing an Egyptian snake crown over her hairnet. “This is an ancient Egyptian banquet,” she explained. “Ancient Egyptians ate with their hands.”

  “I’m glad I washed my hands after I went to the bathroom,” Louie said proudly.

  “Good move,” Max told him.

  “That’s Louie, always thinking ahead,” Mike agreed.

  George put a bowl of gooey lentils and a plate with a chicken leg on his tray. He moved down toward the desserts. “What’s this?” he asked Mrs. Crumb.

  “Tiger nut sweets,” she said.

  George gulped. “You want us to eat a tiger?”

  Mrs. Crumb laughed. “That’s just its name, George. Actually these desserts are made of figs, walnuts, and cinnamon. They were a special treat in ancient Egypt.”

  George stared at the gooey brown balls. They kind of looked like what George found when he was cleaning out the cages in Mr. Furstman’s pet shop.

  “Try it,” Mrs. Crumb said. “You’re going to like it.”

  George doubted that. But he plopped the dessert on his tray, anyway.

  George’s friend Chris was already sitting with a few other kids from his class when George and Alex arrived. Since Chris was in a different fourth-grade class, lunch was the only time during the day the boys got to see him.

  “I heard music coming out of your room again this morning,” Chris said. “I’m sorry.”

  George nodded. “Yep. Mrs. Kelly had dance fever.”

  Julianna and Sage sat down across from George, Chris, and Alex. Sage looked at her tray and sighed. “This doesn’t look very delicious,” she said.

  George didn’t know why she thought it would. Nothing they served in the school cafeteria was ever any good. Still, he was really, really hungry. Hungry enough to eat the brown slop in the bowl in front of him—if he only knew how.

  “I wish I knew what I was supposed to do with the pottage stuff,” George said. “I can’t just scoop it up in my hands. It would slide through my fingers. And I don’t want to get my new ring all covered in slop.” He held up his hand so everyone could see his new silver skull ring on his left hand. It had bright red eyes.

  “I think we’re supposed to drink the pottage right from the bowl,” Julianna told him.

  That made sense. George lifted the bowl and took a big gulp. Slimy lentils and some sort of spicy broth slithered down his throat. He gagged and a couple of the lentils popped back up. Ugh. They didn’t taste any better the second time. George put down his bowl and wiped his mouth with his sleeve.

  “I can’t eat this dessert,” Sage complained, looking at her tray. “It makes me sick just to look at it.”

  George hadn’t wanted to eat the tiger nut sweets, either. But if it would make Sage sick, it could be worth it. He picked up a lumpy brown ball and took a big bite.

  “Hey! It’s pretty good!” he exclaimed.

  “Leave it to a kid who acts nutty to like a nut treat,” Louie joked.

  The kids all laughed—except George and Alex. They were the only ones who knew why George sometimes acted nuts. And it wasn’t funny at all.

  It started when George and his parents first moved to Beaver Brook. George’s dad was in the army, so they moved around a lot. George had plenty of experience with being the new kid in school, so he’d expected the first day in his new school to stink. First days always did. But this first day was the stinkiest.

  In his old school, George had been the class clown. He was always pulling pranks and making jokes. But George had promised himself that things were going to be different at Edith B. Sugarman Elementary School. No more pranks. No more squishing red Jell-O between his teeth and telling everyone it was blood. No more imitating teachers behind their backs. No more trouble.

  The thing was, being the well-behaved kid in a new school also meant that George was the new kid with no new friends. No one at Edith B. Sugarman Elementary School seemed to even know he was alive.

  After his rotten first day at his new school, George’s parents took him out to Ernie’s Ice Cream Emporium to cheer him up. While they were sitting outside and George was finishing his root beer float, a shooting star flashed across the sky. So George made a wish.

  I want to make kids laugh—but not get into trouble.

  But the star was gone before George could finish the wish. So only half came true—the first half.

  A minute later, George had a funny feeling in his belly. It was like there were hundreds of tiny bubbles bouncing around in there. The bubbles hopped up and down and all around. They ping-ponged their way into his chest and bing-bonged their way up into his throat. And then . . .

  George let out a big burp. A huge burp. A SUPER burp! The super burp was loud, and it was magic.

  Suddenly George lost control of his arms and legs. It was like they had minds of their own. His hands grabbed straws and stuck them up his nose like a walrus. His feet jumped up on the table and started dancing the hokey pokey. Everyone at Ernie’s started laughing. The laughing sounded great—just like the old days. But his parents yelling at him also sounded like the old days.

  The super burp came back lots of times after that. And every time it did: Bubble bubble, George got in trouble. Half the store owners in town got really nervous whenever George walked in. Not that he blamed them. After all, the burp had already made him destroy the paddleball display at Tyler’s Toy Shop, knock down the Christmas tree at Mabel’s Department Store, and toss pizza dough onto his head at the Pizza Place.

  The only one of George’s friends in Beaver Brook who knew about the super burp was Alex. George hadn’t told Alex about the burp. He’d figured it out all by himself. Lucky for George, Alex was a really good friend. Not only did he keep George’s gas explosion problem a secret, he was trying to come up with a cure. Too bad he hadn’t been able to do that just yet.

  Which meant the burp was still out there, ready to strike when George least expected it.

  “Rawk.
Hello. Rawk. Hello.”

  Petey, the parrot that sat on a perch in the front of Mr. Furstman’s pet shop, was the first one to greet George when he arrived at work on Saturday morning.

  George petted the soft green feathers on the top of Petey’s head and gave him a piece of apple. “Hello to you, too,” he told Petey.

  “Rawk. Hello,” Petey answered. Hello was the only word he knew.

  “Hey, watch out, kid. Don’t trip over the wires!” a man shouted at George.

  George looked down. There was a tangle of black cable wires at his feet. There were bright lights and cameras all over the store.

  “What’s going on?” George asked Mr. Furstman.

  “We’re filming a commercial for the new lizard and snake section of the shop,” Mr. Furstman explained. “It’s going to be shown at the Beaver Brook Movie Theater.”

  “Oh, you mean like one of those things they show while everyone is waiting for the lights to go down?” George asked him.

  “Exactly,” Mr. Furstman agreed. “Anyone who goes to see a movie in this town is going to hear about our lizards and snakes.”

  Just then a small woman carrying a clipboard ran over to Mr. Furstman. “D. W. is ready,” she said.

  “Who’s D. W.?” George wondered.

  A tall, skinny man leaped up from a cloth chair in the back of the shop. “Did someone just ask who D. W. is?” he demanded.

  “Uh . . . yeah,” George admitted.

  The skinny man stared angrily at George. Then he turned to the small woman with the clipboard. “Is he kidding, Christina?” he asked her. “How can he not know who I am?”

  “D. W. is the director of all the commercials that are played before the movies at the movie theater,” Christina explained.