Don't Sneeze Read online

  FOR AMANDA,

  WHO NEVER LETS ANYONE FEEL LIKE A STRANGER

  —NK

  FOR PIPO—LT

  GROSSET & DUNLAP

  Penguin Young Readers Group

  An Imprint of Penguin Random House LLC

  Penguin supports copyright. Copyright fuels creativity, encourages diverse voices, promotes free speech, and creates a vibrant culture. Thank you for buying an authorized edition of this book and for complying with copyright laws by not reproducing, scanning, or distributing any part of it in any form without permission. You are supporting writers and allowing Penguin to continue to publish books for every reader.

  Text copyright © 2017 by Nancy Krulik. Illustrations copyright © 2017 by Penguin Random House LLC. All rights reserved.

  Published by Grosset & Dunlap, an imprint of Penguin Random House LLC, 345 Hudson Street, New York, New York 10014. GROSSET & DUNLAP is a trademark of Penguin Random House LLC. Manufactured in China.

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available.

  ISBN 9780451533432 (paperback)

  ISBN 9780451533449 (library binding)

  ISBN 9780451533456 (ebook)

  Version_1

  CONTENTS

  Dedication

  Copyright

  Title Page

  Chapter 1: Got a Tissue?

  Chapter 2: What a Jerk

  Chapter 3: That’s Sick

  Chapter 4: The Zeebop Who Cried Wolf

  Chapter 5: Z Is For Weird

  Chapter 6: One Mean Machine

  Chapter 7: Kitchy Kitchy Koo

  Chapter 8: Green Goo—Ew!

  Chapter 9: Bath Time!

  1

  GOT A TISSUE?

  How do all those strange earthlings fit in that teeny tiny car?” Zeke Zander asked his friends Eddie and Amelia.

  Amelia gave Zeke an odd look. “Strange what?” she asked.

  Oops. Zeke had forgotten. Earthlings did not call themselves earthlings.

  “I mean, how do all those strange people fit in that teeny tiny car?” he said instead.

  “I don’t know,” Eddie said. “It’s a clown trick.”

  Zeke watched as three more earthlings with red noses and rainbow-colored hair piled out of the car.

  There was no way they could have all been in there at the same time.

  But it sure looked like they were.

  Sometimes the strangest things happen on Planet Earth.

  “That clown just sprayed soda on the other one’s head,” Amelia said. “Ha ha ha.”

  Zeke reached into his pocket and pulled out a tissue.

  “Here you go,” he said to Amelia.

  Amelia looked at the tissue. Then she looked at Zeke.

  “What’s that for?” she asked him.

  “For your nose,” Zeke told her.

  “You’re a funny guy, Zeke,” Amelia said.

  Zeke looked at Amelia strangely. What is so funny about a tissue?

  “Here comes the tiger trainer,” Eddie said.

  Zeke watched as an earthling led three orange-and-black cats into the center ring. There were three stools waiting there.

  The earthling yelled something at the giant cats.

  The giant cats jumped up onto the stools.

  The earthling lifted his hand.

  The cats leaped up onto their hind legs.

  The earthling turned his hand in a circle.

  The cats danced around and around.

  Wow! It looked like the earthling was in charge of the big cats.

  That would never happen on Planet Z.

  On Planet Z, the cats were in charge.

  Of course, Zeke wasn’t on Planet Z anymore. He was on Earth.

  He’d been here since his family’s spaceship had crashed. And he was stuck here until they were able to fix the ship and fly home.

  Still, Earth wasn’t all bad.

  Earth kids played fun games like tag and hide-and-seek.

  They went to great places like the circus.

  And they drank sweet apple juice.

  Zeke was thirsty. He pulled his juice box from his backpack.

  He stuck one end of the straw through the little silver circle.

  Then he stuck the other end of the straw in his ear and started to drink.

  Eddie watched Zeke slurp up the apple juice. Then he let out a loud “ha ha ha.”

  “I’m sorry,” Zeke said. “I’m all out of tissues.”

  Eddie gave him a funny look. “Huh?” he asked.

  Zeke took another sip of his apple juice.

  “I love your ear trick,” Eddie told him. “Someday I’m going to figure out how you make the juice disappear into there.”

  Zeke frowned. He hoped Eddie never figured it out. Because then he would know Zeke was a kid from Planet Z. All zeebops drank with their ears.

  Zeke could never let Eddie know that he and his family came from outer space. He couldn’t let anyone know.

  Because there was no telling what horrible things might happen if information like that got into the wrong hands.

  2

  WHAT A JERK

  I love cotton candy,” Amelia said as the kids each bought a cone of the fluffy stuff at the end of the circus show.

  Zeke didn’t understand why it was called cotton candy. It wasn’t made of cotton at all. It was made of spun sugar.

  “It’s like I’m biting into a cloud,” Amelia said.

  “No, it’s not,” Zeke told her. “Clouds aren’t pink. And they don’t taste very sweet.”

  “How do you know?” Amelia asked him. “Clouds might taste sweet. We just don’t know, because no one has ever eaten one.”

  Zeke knew. He had tried eating a cloud once. But that didn’t go so well. The cloud tasted like water mixed with dirt. Which was kind of gross.

  But, of course, he didn’t say that.

  “There’s nothing yummier than cotton candy,” Amelia said.

  Actually, Zeke thought the paper cone around the cotton candy would taste a lot better than the pink cloud.

  It lasted longer, too. Paper didn’t melt in your mouth the way cotton candy did. You had to chew it for a long time until it got gooey enough to swallow.

  Chomp.

  Zeke bit into the paper cone at the bottom of his cotton candy. Yum.

  Amelia smiled. “I love how you’re always clowning around,” she told Zeke.

  “Me?” Zeke asked.

  “Yeah,” Amelia said. “Who else do we know who would eat paper?”

  “You better not clown around tomorrow when we’re doing our skit in class,” Eddie warned Zeke. “You know how important it is.”

  Zeke nodded. He knew.

  All last week, the kids at school had been writing skits based on stories from Aesop’s Fables. The best skit in each grade was going to be chosen to be part of a big show in front of the whole school.

  Eddie really wanted to be in that show. So did Amelia.

  Zeke wasn’t sure what was so great about being in the big show. But he wanted his friends to be happy. So he had worked really hard on their skit about “The Boy Who Cried Wolf.”

  “Our skit has to be perfect if we want Mr. Zimmermoon to choose us,” Eddie said.

  “We’re going to win,” Amelia said. “I know it.”

  She opened her mouth to take another bite of cotton candy.

  But before she could, a huge hand with dirty fingernails grabbed the pink fluffy stuff away from her.

  “Slade!
” Amelia shouted at the boy who’d stolen her candy. “Give that back.”

  The big fifth-grader shoved a wad of Amelia’s cotton candy into his mouth. Then he opened wide and showed Amelia his tongue.

  “You want it back?” he asked Amelia. “Take it.”

  Amelia shook her head. “That’s gross,” she said.

  Slade grinned and ripped the cotton candy from the cone. He thrust the cone into her hand and walked away.

  “I can’t believe he did that,” Amelia said angrily.

  “I can,” Eddie said. “Slade’s the nastiest kid in school.”

  Zeke watched as Slade grabbed a kid’s box of popcorn. He ate two kernels and dumped the rest on the kid’s head.

  Slade sure was mean.

  Mean enough to live on Planet Q—where the evil querks lurked.

  Querks were jerks.

  Just like Slade.

  But of course Zeke couldn’t tell Eddie and Amelia about the querk jerks from Planet Q. So instead, he pointed to the empty paper cone in Amelia’s hand.

  “You gonna eat that?” he asked.

  “Ha ha ha,” Amelia answered.

  Then Zeke let out a loud “Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.”

  “You are really funny,” Eddie said.

  Funny? Why would Eddie say that? There was nothing funny about Zeke going ha ha ha.

  In fact, ha ha ha meant there was trouble brewing.

  And it was brewing inside Zeke.

  3

  THAT’S SICK

  Ha ha ha.

  The next morning, Zeke was still ha ha ha-ing.

  His mother raced into his room.

  “You’re sick,” she said. “I heard you going ha ha ha all night.”

  Zeke knew she was right. When zeebops sneezed, the sound that came out of their noses was ha ha ha.

  “I wonder where you could have caught a cold,” his mother said.

  Zeke thought back to yesterday. Eddie and Amelia had been going ha ha ha a lot. That was why Zeke had given Amelia his last tissue. He must have caught this cold from them.

  “Ha ha ha.” Zeke sneezed again.

  “That settles it,” Zeke’s mom said. “You better stay on your head today.”

  Zeke knew his mom wanted him to go back to sleep. Zeebops slept on their heads.

  But Zeke couldn’t go back to sleep. Not today.

  “I can’t,” he told his mom. “We’re doing our skit at school today. I can’t let Eddie and Amelia down. They are my best friends. My only friends— at least on Earth.”

  Zeke felt something dripping from his eye. He wiped away a bright green tear.

  “You see?” his mom told him. “You’re sick. You have the flu.”

  That was probably true. When zeebops got the flu, they leaked green tears.

  “It doesn’t matter,” Zeke said. “I can’t stay home.”

  “We’ll see what Zeus says about that,” his mom said. She headed for the stairs.

  Gulp. Zeke was worried.

  Zeus was their leader. Whatever he told the Zanders to do, they did.

  What if Zeus told him to stay home?

  Zeke had to find a way out of there. Fast.

  He wiggled his right antenna. Then he disappeared.

  “Oh no you don’t,” his mother said. “You’re not going to go invisible and sneak out of this house.”

  Bummer. His mom had caught him.

  Zeke wiggled his left antenna. Now his mom could see him again.

  He followed his mom down the stairs and into the yard.

  Zeke’s dad was already there, working on their spaceship.

  “Where’s Zeus?” Zeke’s mom asked.

  Zeke’s dad pointed to the corner of the yard. Zeus was scratching his back against a tree trunk and muttering to himself.

  Zeke’s mom walked over to the cat.

  “Zeus,” she said. “I need you to talk some sense into Zeke. He’s sick. He needs to stay home today.”

  “I’m not that sick,” Zeke insisted. “I can go to school.”

  Zeus glared at both of them. “How can you bother me about a little cold? Can’t you tell we’re under attack?” he asked.

  “What are you talking about?” Zeke asked the cat. “I don’t see anyone.”

  “They’re too small to see,” Zeus said. “But they’re here. Can’t you hear them? They’re going pop pop pop.”

  Zeke listened.

  “I don’t hear anything,” he said.

  “Maybe your ears are clogged because you’re sick,” Zeke’s mom said.

  “Can you hear them?” Zeke asked her.

  “No,” she admitted.

  “Well, I can hear them.” Zeus scratched harder against the tree trunk. “And I can feel them. They’re sticking me with tiny swords.”

  “Zeus,” Zeke’s mom said, “I need you to tell Zeke he can’t go to school today.”

  “I have no time for this,” Zeus shouted at her. “I’m fighting an army of tiny, popping sword fighters!”

  “So, I can go to school?” Zeke asked him.

  “I don’t care what you do,” Zeus said. He scratched his ear. “They’re attacking from all sides now!”

  Hmmm . . .

  Zeus hadn’t said Zeke could go to school.

  But he hadn’t said he couldn’t go, either.

  Zeke was taking that as a yes. He hurried off before his mother could stop him.

  Yay! Zeke was going to school to do his skit with Eddie and Amelia. And it was going to be awesome—

  “Ha ha ha.”

  Or it would be, if he could keep himself from sneezing all the way through it.

  “Ha ha ha.”

  That was a big if.

  4

  THE ZEEBOP WHO CRIED WOLF

  Now, remember,” Eddie whispered to Zeke at school later that day. “You gotta look really scared when I do my wolf song.”

  “I will,” Zeke said.

  “Okay,” Mr. Zimmermoon told the class. “Now we’re going to see a skit by Amelia, Eddie, and Zeke. Show us what you’ve got, kids.”

  Zeke and his pals walked to the front of the room.

  They were all wearing special costumes.

  Eddie was wearing a wolf mask.

  Amelia was wearing a white woolly sweater that made her look like a sheep.

  Zeke was dressed like an Earth boy. That was kind of like a costume for him.

  “This is the story of ‘The Boy Who Cried Wolf,’” Eddie told the class. “It’s about a boy who told lies and got in a lot of trouble.”

  Now it was Zeke’s turn to say his first line.

  “I am so bored and lonely,” he said. “I have no one to talk to, except the sheep.”

  “Sheep are fun to talk to,” Amelia-the-sheep told him. “We tell great jokes. Like what do you call a sheep dressed in chocolate?”

  “I don’t know,” Zeke answered. “What?”

  “A chocolate baaaa,” Amelia said.

  A few of the kids in the class let out a little “ha ha ha.”

  Zeke wondered if they were getting sick, too.

  “And where do sheep go to get their hair cut?” Amelia asked.

  “I don’t know,” Zeke said. “Where?”

  “The baa baa shop,” Amelia told him.

  “Ha ha ha.” Now a whole bunch of kids seemed to be sneezing.

  Amelia started to say her next line. But Zeke wasn’t listening anymore. He was too busy trying to stop his nose from sneezing.

  He shoved his finger up one nostril to keep the sneeze in.

  So the sneeze moved to the other side.

  Zeke’s nose twitched.

  It itched.

  And then . . .

  “Ha ha ha ha ha ha!”

 
A giant sneeze burst out of his nose.

  Eddie and Amelia stared at him. They looked surprised.

  Zeke kept sneezing. “Ha ha ha.”

  And sneezing. “Ha ha ha.”

  And sneezing. “Ha ha ha ha ha!”

  Now everyone in the class was ha ha ha-ing—except Eddie and Amelia. They didn’t seem to be sick like they had been yesterday.

  Maybe this was just a twenty-four-hour flu.

  “Okay, guys,” Mr. Zimmermoon said to Eddie, Amelia, and Zeke. “That’s enough. Take your seats.”

  Eddie pulled off his wolf mask. He looked like he was going to cry.

  “But I didn’t get to do my wolf song,” he told Mr. Zimmermoon. “I’ve been practicing it for a week. I made up a tap dance and everything.”

  “I’ve seen enough, Eddie,” Mr. Zimmermoon said sternly. “Please sit down.”

  Zeke turned to Eddie. “I’m really—” he started.

  But Eddie cut him off. “Don’t talk to me,” he told Zeke.

  Zeke turned to Amelia. “I couldn’t help it. I—”

  “Don’t talk to me, either,” Amelia said angrily.

  Zeke didn’t understand why Eddie and Amelia were so mad.

  It wasn’t his fault he had to sneeze.

  The whole class had been ha ha ha-ing.

  But Eddie and Amelia weren’t mad at them.

  They were only mad at Zeke.

  Which didn’t make any sense. Unless . . .

  What if Amelia and Eddie didn’t know Zeke was sneezing?

  What if humans didn’t go ha ha ha when they sneezed?

  What if they made a completely different sneezing sound?

  And what if ha ha ha meant something else on Earth?

  Zeke was going to have to ask Zeus about that. Zeus was an expert on Earth stuff.

  Maybe the cat could tell Zeke how to get his friends to not be mad at him, too.