Hey! Who Stole the Toilet? Read online

  “You guys set the tent up with a rock right in the middle!” Louie yelled at them. “I’m not sleeping on any rock.”

  But then Max said, “That’s okay, I’ll sleep on the rocky part. It won’t hurt me. My dad’s always saying I’ve got rocks for brains, anyway.”

  George laughed. That was actually pretty funny—even if old rocks for brains Max didn’t get the joke.

  Troop Leader Buttonwood asked for everyone’s attention. “Okay, before we go on our canoe trip, there are a few safety rules I want to go over with you,” he said. “First, we need to keep the campsite clean, and we need to keep all the food locked up in the crates I brought along.”

  “That will keep the raccoons away,” Julianna said.

  “Exactly,” Troop Leader Buttonwood agreed. “There are all kinds of animals in the woods. Most of them won’t bother us if we don’t bother them. Except, of course, if we happen to run into Triple F.”

  “Who’s that?” George asked.

  “That’s the dumb monster all the troop leaders tell stupid, scary stories about.” Louie looked at Troop Leader Buttonwood. “Right?”

  “Maybe the stories are stupid…and maybe they’re not,” Troop Leader Buttonwood said.

  “Well, you’ve never seen a monster, have you?” Louie insisted.

  Troop Leader Buttonwood shook his head. “But just because I haven’t seen one, doesn’t mean they don’t exist.”

  George shivered a little. He didn’t believe in monsters. But what the troop leader had said made sense.

  Troop Leader Buttonwood turned to all the scouts. “Enough about the rules. Let’s head down to the river, put on our life jackets, and go canoeing!”

  “Yay!” the kids all cheered excitedly.

  As the scouts headed down to where the canoes were docked, Alex whispered to George, “How’s the gas situation?”

  George shrugged. “So far, so good.”

  “I hope it stays that way,” Alex told him. Then he held up two crossed fingers.

  Chapter 6

  “I don’t see why we can’t have three people in a canoe,” George grumbled as he put on his yellow life jacket. “It’s not fair.”

  “Sorry, dude,” Alex said. “If we want our badges, we have to do it with two people in a canoe. Don’t be mad at us. Troop Leader Buttonwood’s the one who put you in a canoe with Sage.”

  “It won’t be so bad,” Chris said. “You don’t have to talk to her.”

  This really stunk. Chris and Alex got to be together in a canoe. Max was with Louie, and Mike was with Julianna. But George was stuck in a canoe with Sage. This was the worst!

  “At least you’re not with Louie,” Alex pointed out.

  That was true. Being with Louie would be worse.

  “Come on, Georgie,” Sage called to him. “Let’s get paddling.”

  Or maybe not. Being with Sage was going to be awful.

  “I’ll go in front,” Sage said as George climbed into the canoe. “You can be in the stern and steer because you’re stronger than me.”

  George climbed into the back of the canoe. This trip wasn’t turning out the way he’d hoped.

  But a few minutes later, George felt happier. He was paddling down the river. And he realized he didn’t have to pay attention to Sage. He could just focus on steering the canoe around the bends in the river. Every now and then Sage lost control of her paddle and splashed herself. That was pretty funny.

  Suddenly, a strong wind started to blow. The canoe picked up speed.

  “Wahooooo!” George shouted. “This is awesome.”

  “Yikes!” Sage cried. “Georgie, we’re going too fast. Make it stop!”

  “How?” George asked.

  The canoe bounced up and down. And then George noticed something else bouncing around. GAS! And it was bouncing in his belly.

  Oh no! The super burp was back—right in the middle of the Bahka Wahka Ocka River. George wasn’t sure what the burp might do if it escaped now. All he knew was it would be ba-a-ad!

  George had to stop that burp! He started rocking back and forth. Maybe he could put the burp to sleep.

  “Georgie, stop that! We’ll tip!” Sage shouted.

  The burp kept bouncing. Bing-bong! Ping-pong!

  George twisted to the left. He twisted to the right. Maybe he could twist his stomach into a knot and tie off the burp. He…splash!

  The canoe tipped over!

  “Aaaaaah!” Sage cried out as she fell into the river.

  “Whoops!” George shouted as he went under.

  Pop! Just then, George felt something burst in his belly. All the air rushed out of him. George had squelched the belch!

  “Yahoo!” he shouted.

  Oops. George was still underwater. The minute he opened his mouth to let out that yahoo, he let in a whole lot of cold river water—and a wiggly, jiggly fish, too!

  But that was okay. Nothing mattered except that George had beaten the burp! His head popped up out of the water and he gave a big “V for Victory” sign.

  “Georgie! Georgie! Help!” Sage cried out suddenly.

  George looked over at Sage. She was bobbing in the water. And the canoe was moving down the river.

  “Help me!” she cried again.

  George knew Sage really didn’t need help. She was wearing a life jacket. And the water was only a few feet deep.

  “Georgie, I’m a bad swimmer,” Sage cried out again.

  Beaver Scouts had to be prepared. So George guessed he better be prepared to save Sage before saving the canoe. He started to swim to her. But the current was strong.

  Suddenly, Sage started swimming to George. When she reached him, she wrapped her arms around his neck. “Oh, Georgie! Pull me to shore.”

  A minute later they were both standing in the mud on the side of the river.

  “I thought you said you were a bad swimmer,” George grumbled as he struggled out of Sage’s arms.

  “Um…well…I am. Usually,” Sage said. “I guess it was just your animal magnetism. It drew me right to you. You saved me. I was going under. I could see my life flashing before my eyes. I was in a tunnel with light at—”

  George didn’t wait to hear any more. He jumped back in the water and swam to the canoe, which had gotten stuck onshore a little farther down the river. George flipped it back over. Now it was right side up and ready to go.

  Troop Leader Buttonwood canoed over to them. So did the other kids.

  “Are you okay?” the troop leader asked Sage and George.

  “He saved my life,” Sage said. “Georgie is a hero.”

  Louie laughed. “More like a zero. Did you guys see how he flipped that canoe over?”

  Max and Mike cracked up. But Troop Leader Buttonwood didn’t laugh at all. “Did you see how George flipped it back? That’s exactly what you’re supposed to do when a canoe capsizes. George also knew to come to the aid of another scout first. So George is getting two badges. One for canoeing and a special one for water safety.”

  “Wow,” Alex said. “Two badges. Impressive, dude.”

  “Thanks,” George said. “It was no big deal.”

  “That’s not fair!” Louie shouted. “If I’d known I could get another badge, I would have flipped my canoe.”

  “Yeah,” Max said. “And he would have flipped it better. Louie’s always flipping.”

  “Exactly,” Mike agreed. “No one flips out like Louie.”

  “Now that we know everyone’s okay,” Troop Leader Buttonwood said, “let’s get paddling back to camp.” He was about to step into his canoe when he lost his balance.

  Whoosh! Troop Leader Buttonwood went sliding. He landed face-first in slimy mud. “It’s okay,” he called back to the kids. “I meant to do that. I was just trying to show you how much fun it is to go mud-sliding.”

  “That looks like fun,” Julianna said. She slid down the mud, too.

  “Awesome!” George exclaimed. He lay on his back and swished down in the mud feetfirst.
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br />   “Check it out!” Chris shouted. “It’s Toiletman to the rescue!” He got on his belly and slid face-first down the muddy hill and into the river.

  “Hey, George!” Alex cried out. “Think fast!”

  George grinned as Alex threw a huge pile of slimy, grimy, gooey mud right at him. There was mud in his hair, in his ears, and under his arms. Some mud had even slimed its way into his bathing suit and onto his butt.

  This was really fun. Normal kid fun. Not the super burp’s idea of fun.

  Chapter 7

  “Hey, watch out!” Louie shouted at George. “You almost hit me with that tree branch.”

  George moved out of Louie’s way and carried his pile of wood down to the fire pit. His arms were really tired. He’d carried a lot of wood to the campsite. So had everybody else. Well, everybody but Louie. He pointed out which pieces of wood Max and Mike had to carry for him.

  “Whoa!” Max shouted as he banged into a tree. He couldn’t see over the humongous pile of branches he was carrying.

  “Hey, check out these paw prints,” Chris called out suddenly. “They’re huge.”

  Alex, George, and Sage stopped and stared down at the ground.

  “You don’t think they’re bear prints, do you?” George asked his friends.

  Alex shook his head. “Bear prints have four round toes. These prints are long and skinny. And way bigger. Besides, the Beaver Scouts would never let us go camping here if there were bears in the woods.”

  “Then what kind of tracks are they?” George asked him.

  “I think I may have an idea,” Troop Leader Buttonwood said mysteriously. “I’ll tell you all about it tonight.”

  “He’s going to tell us they belong to a monster, just like Sam said he would,” Louie joked. “Like anyone would believe that.”

  “I wouldn’t believe it,” Max said.

  “Me neither,” Mike agreed.

  For once, George thought Louie and the Echoes were right. There were no such things as monsters. Still, the tracks were right there. And no one seemed to know what kind of animal they could belong to.

  “At least the tracks are heading away from the campsite,” Sage pointed out.

  That was true. The tracks were heading straight into the woods.

  “We better make tracks!” George said. “The sooner we get this wood to the fire, the sooner we eat!”

  A little while later, Julianna was busy at the fire pit helping Troop Leader Buttonwood build the fire.

  “Hand me some more twigs,” Julianna told Chris. “We have to finish building this pyramid so we can start the fire.”

  “Georgie and I collected a whole lot of twigs,” Sage told Julianna. “He’s got a great eye for twigs.”

  George kicked at the dirt. Sage hadn’t left his side all afternoon. How was he ever going to get rid of her?

  When the wood was all laid out, their troop leader lit a match. “Ouch!” Troop Leader Buttonwood shouted suddenly. He wiggled his finger in the air.

  “Are you okay?” Julianna asked.

  “Um…yeah,” he said as he blew on his finger. “I meant to burn my finger. I wanted to teach you kids to be careful with matches. Fire safety is a big part of camping.”

  “It takes teamwork to build a fire,” Troop Leader Buttonwood continued as he handed out sticks for cooking hot dogs. “That’s why you’re all getting your Fire Safety badges.”

  That didn’t seem very fair. Louie hadn’t done anything. But George didn’t say that. It would be tattling. And George Brown was no tattler.

  Rumble. Grumble.

  Just then, George felt something rumbling in the bottom of his belly. Rumble! Grumble! Gulp! Oh no! Was the burp back?

  George’s stomach rumbled again. It grumbled again. And then it didn’t do anything else. George was just hungry!

  Soon George was holding a long stick over the fire. He watched his hot dog plump up.

  “I love hot dogs,” Alex said as he moved his hot dog over the fire next to George’s.

  “Me too,” George said. “Especially when they’re burned a little.” He pulled his stick out of the fire and plopped the hot dog on a bun. A minute later he took a big bite. “Oh yeah! Perfect!” he said and then began chewing a hundred times, just to be on the safe side.

  “We have marshmallows, too,” Sage said later, once everyone had finished off two hot dogs. She smiled at George. “Would you like me to make you a toasted marshmallow?”

  “No thanks,” he told her. “Cooking ’em is half the fun.” He stuck three marshmallows on his stick and went back to the fire.

  Max and Mike were already roasting marshmallows. “Done!” Max said. Then he ran over to Louie. “I made a marshmallow for you.”

  Mike was right behind him. “No way! I was making one for Louie.”

  “I made mine first,” Max said.

  “I made mine better,” Mike insisted. He shoved a cooked marshmallow in Louie’s face. “Try it.”

  Max tried to shove Mike’s stick away.

  “Ow!” Louie shouted suddenly. A goopy marshmallow was stuck right on his nose. “Who did that?”

  “It was him,” Max and Mike said, pointing at each other.

  George started to laugh. Louie was standing there with a toasted marshmallow hanging off the tip of his nose like a ginormous, white booger!

  Camping sure was great!

  Once the sun had gone down, the woods grew very dark. Besides the campfire, the only light came from the full moon. George was glad that they’d collected so much wood. If that fire went out, it would be really spooky out there.

  “I know I told you guys about the raccoons and the bats,” Troop Leader Buttonwood said suddenly. “But I think you should also be on the lookout for the Ferocious Furry Frog.”

  “The what?” George asked.

  “Here it comes!” Louie said. “The monster story. What did I tell you?”

  “The Ferocious Furry Frog,” Troop Leader Buttonwood repeated. “Or Triple F as some call him. He’s part frog and part bear. And he’s huge.”

  Troop Leader Buttonwood stroked his chin. “I’ve never seen him myself,” he went on. “But they say he lives in these parts. And he doesn’t like company.”

  “Is this for real?” Chris asked.

  Troop Leader Buttonwood shrugged. “It’s up to you to decide.”

  “It’s a story,” Julianna said. “My dad likes to tell stories about the old Cropsey ghost when we go on camping trips. Telling scary stories is part of camping.”

  “Could be,” Troop Leader Buttonwood said. “But as your Beaver Scout troop leader, it’s my job to warn you just the same. Since he’s part bear, Triple F hibernates. But unlike other bears, he sleeps in the summer—right around now. And he doesn’t like his sleep to be disturbed. So if you go out into the woods, be very, very quiet.”

  “Is the Ferocious Furry Frog a vegetarian?” Sage asked nervously.

  “Oh no! He’s a meat eater,” Troop Leader Buttonwood told her.

  “But he doesn’t eat campers, right?” Sage asked.

  “Oh, come on,” Louie said. He scratched the big Band-Aid that was covering the burn on his nose. “A giant, hairy frog that eats campers? Who would believe that?”

  “Me,” Mike said.

  “It could be possible,” Max added.

  It was the first time George had ever heard either of them disagree with Louie. And it was the first time George ever agreed with Louie. He thought Triple F was just a story, too.

  Suddenly, George stood up. He had to go to the bathroom. He looked around the campsite. “Hey, where’s the toilet?” he asked Troop Leader Buttonwood.

  “Someone stole the toilet.” Chris laughed. “This is a case for Toiletman!”

  George frowned. “No, come on. There has to be an outhouse at least.”

  “I’m afraid not.” Troop Leader Buttonwood shook his head. “You have to go in the woods.”

  George gulped. The woods? Where Triple F lived? Not that Geor
ge believed the story was true or anything. But still.

  “Bring your flashlight,” Troop Leader Buttonwood told him. “Just don’t go far. You’ll be fine.”

  Really? George wasn’t so sure. Who knew what could be waiting for him once he got into the woods alone?

  Chapter 8

  “It’s not so dark, it’s not so dark,” George chanted to himself as he walked into the woods. But it was dark. Even with the full moon overhead and a flashlight.

  The campsite wasn’t far away. He was close enough to hear Louie playing his guitar. If George could hear the other scouts, then they could hear him if he had to scream for help. What could go wrong?

  Uh-oh!

  George felt something bouncing up and down inside his belly. Something that bing-bonged and ping-ponged. Something even scarier than being in the woods alone. The super burp was back!

  George had to stop that burp. He shut his lips tight and held his nose. He swallowed really hard, trying to force the burp back down his throat.

  But the super burp had been kept down for too long. It needed to break free!

  The bubbles bounced their way into George’s chest. They bing-bonged up into his throat and ping-ponged all the way to his mouth. They tickled his tongue and danced around his teeth. And then…

  George let out a burp so loud it woke the animals! Squeak! Chirp! Chatter! The animals began answering George’s call of the wild.

  The next thing George knew, he was going wild. “Ribbit! Ribbit! ROAR!” his mouth shouted out. Then he started hopping like a frog.

  “Ribbit! Ribbit! ROAR!” George’s mouth shouted again.

  “AAAHHHHHH!!!!”

  George’s ears heard shouts and screaming coming from the campsite.

  “Aaaahhh!” George heard Louie shout. “It’s that Triple F monster! He’s real!”

  “Oh no! My Georgie is trapped in the woods with a monster!” Sage cried out.

  George wanted to shout that he wasn’t Sage’s Georgie and he wasn’t Triple F. But all that came out was, “Ribbit! Ribbit! ROAR!”