Lice Check Read online

  George shook his head. “Nope. It wasn’t your fault the burp decided to show up.”

  “That punishment your dad gave you was really harsh,” Alex said. “I can’t believe how long it took you to clean those latrines.”

  “Well, it would have gone faster if I could have used a sponge instead of a toothbrush,” George grumbled. “It was gross cleaning toilets with those teeny, tiny bristles.”

  “Your dad said it was an old army punishment,” Alex said.

  “I just hope my dad doesn’t talk about cleaning toilets at Career Day,” George said. He twisted his ring nervously. “How boring would that be? Kids would run out of his booth to Louie’s dad’s booth as fast as they could.”

  “If there are even any kids at school on Tuesday,” Alex said. “My mom told me three of her patients canceled their weekend appointments because they had lice. I’m telling you, we’re having a bug epidemic at school!”

  George scratched his head. His mom had checked him for lice just that morning, so he knew he was still clean, but even thinking about the little bugs made him scratch.

  “Oh yeah, I almost forgot,” Alex said as he reached into his backpack and pulled out a thermos. “Before we go in there, you should drink this.”

  “Is that supposed to keep lice away?” George asked.

  Alex shook his head. “Nope. It keeps burps away. It’s lemon juice.”

  George looked at him strangely. Then he smiled. “Lemonade? Really? That’s all it takes? Awesome. I love lemonade.”

  “It’s actually not lemonade,” Alex explained. “It’s lemon juice. Pure lemon juice. No extra water. No sugar. Just the sour stuff.”

  George made a face. That didn’t sound very delicious.

  “Lemons are filled with acid, so they stop your stomach from making any acid of its own,” Alex explained. “No extra acid means no extra gas. No gas means no bubbles, and that means no burps.”

  “Where’d you learn that?” George asked him.

  “A woman posted all about it on the Burp No More Blog,” Alex said. “She said this burp cure was foolproof. I figured today would be the best day to try it. I mean, yesterday at the army base was bad enough. But my mom . . .” Alex’s voice trailed off.

  George didn’t blame Alex for being worried that the burp would escape at his mom’s dental office. Alex’s mom had seen the burp make him do some really crazy things—like skateboard on a beverage cart in an airplane and crawl up into an overhead luggage bin.

  Of course, that hadn’t been George’s fault. But Alex’s mom didn’t know that. So if drinking pure lemon juice meant he wouldn’t cause any trouble at his best friend’s mom’s office, then George would do it.

  Gulp. Gulp. Gulp. George drank down the lemon juice as fast as he could. His mouth filled with spit as the super-sour juice oozed down his throat. His lips puckered and his cheeks sucked themselves in against his teeth.

  Alex laughed. “You look like a fish,” he said. “Sorry it tastes so nasty. But it’ll be worth it if it works. And I think it really might. Lemon juice is strong stuff.”

  George nodded. He only hoped it was strong enough.

  “Good morning, boys,” Alex’s mom said as she led them into her examination room. She gave George a funny look. “What’s wrong with your face?” she asked him.

  “Too much lemon juice,” George answered. A little bit of spit flew out of his mouth.

  “Why would you drink that?” Alex’s mom wondered.

  George didn’t answer. He wasn’t sure what to say.

  “Um . . . George just likes sour stuff,” Alex answered for him.

  Alex’s mom shrugged and led the boys inside. “This is the examination room,” she said. Then she added, “Please don’t touch anything.”

  George knew that last part was for him. Alex’s mom wanted to make sure that George didn’t go all wacko and break something. George wanted to make sure of the same thing. Why else would he drink all that super-sour lemon juice?

  “Check those out!” Alex said. He pointed to two tooth X-rays resting on a light box.

  George glanced over at the X-rays. “Those look like tree roots,” he said, pointing to the three long, skinny sticklike things that seemed to be growing out of the tooth. “Except they’re growing up instead of down.”

  “Very good, George,” Alex’s mom said. “That’s what we call them—roots.”

  Wow. George was relieved. For the first time in a long time, Alex’s mom was smiling at him. And he didn’t feel one bubble in his belly. So far, so good.

  “Now, which of you boys would like to have your teeth cleaned first?” Alex’s mom asked as she pulled out a tray of dental tools.

  Wait? What? George gulped. This wasn’t supposed to be a trip to the dentist to . . . well . . . do dentist stuff. They were only supposed to be here so Alex could get information for his paper. George didn’t want Alex’s mom poking around in his mouth. Not today. Dental appointments weren’t something George liked to have sprung on him.

  “Um . . . Alex, you go first,” George said. “That way you can write about what it feels like to be at the dentist.”

  “That’s okay,” Alex said. “Mom’s always poking around in my mouth. You have the cleaning. I’ll watch and take notes.”

  “That’s a great idea!” Alex’s mom said. “Come on, George. Hop up into the chair.”

  There was no getting out of it now. So George did the only thing he could do: He hopped up into the chair.

  Alex’s mom used a pedal on the floor to raise the chair higher so she could get a better look into George’s mouth. Then she shined a bright light down his throat.

  “Okay, now I’m going to just check your teeth with my mirror and this little tool,” Alex’s mom said. “I’m going to need a little suction.”

  Alex’s mom stuck a tube into his mouth. Slurp. The tube sucked all the spit out of George’s mouth.

  Alex’s mom began to poke around at each of George’s teeth. “Are you flossing every night?” she asked him.

  George didn’t answer. He couldn’t. Not with a mirror, a dental pick, and a suction tube clogging up his mouth.

  “Flossing is important,” Alex’s mom continued, “because plaque and tartar . . .”

  Alex’s mom kept talking, but George wasn’t concentrating on what she was saying. All he could concentrate on was this strange feeling he had. Something was bouncing around inside his belly. Something bubbly. Something gassy.

  Something like a magic super burp!

  Oh no! Not here. Not now. George had to get out of here, before the burp got out of him!

  Frantically, George rubbed his head and tapped on his belly. It was the secret signal he and Alex had for when the burp showed up. Whenever George gave the signal, Alex was supposed to help him get somewhere else so the burp wouldn’t cause trouble. And if ever George needed to go somewhere else, it was now!

  But Alex was too busy taking notes in his binder to see George rubbing and tapping.

  “George, please sit still,” Alex’s mom said. “It’s hard to scrape away plaque while you’re wiggling around.”

  Sit still? How could George sit still? The super burp wasn’t sitting still. Already it was rattling his ribcage and trampling over his tongue.

  George couldn’t even close his mouth, because Alex’s mom had her hands in there. Which meant the bubbles twisting and turning their way around his teeth had a clear path right out of his . . .

  George let out a burp. A mega burp. A burp so loud and so huge you could hear it over a dentist’s drill.

  Uh-oh! The burp was on the loose! Which meant George was on the loose, too. No one could stop him.

  “George, don’t you usually say ‘excuse me’ after a burp like that?” Alex’s mom asked.

  George wanted to use his mouth to sa
y excuse me. He really did. But George wasn’t in charge any more. The burp was. So instead of apologizing, George’s mouth spit the spit-sucking tube right into Alex’s mom’s face.

  “Oh my!” Alex’s mom shouted. “George, why did you do that?”

  George had no idea why he had just done that. Because he hadn’t done that. The super burp had. The same way the super burp was now making George jump out of the dentist’s chair.

  “Dude! Don’t!” Alex shouted.

  But magic super burps don’t don’t. Magic super burps do. And what this burp wanted to do was play with all the cool stuff in the dentist’s office!

  George’s hands grabbed a toothbrush from a shelf.

  “George, will you please calm down?” Alex’s mom scolded.

  No way! Magic super burps are never calm. And they are never down. They keep their energy waaayyyy up. George’s hands reached toward Alex’s mom.

  “What are you . . .” Alex’s mom started. But she didn’t get to finish her sentence, because just then George’s hands shoved the toothbrush into her open mouth.

  “Brush, brush, brush!” George’s mouth shouted. He moved the toothbrush up and down and up and down. “First your uppers. Then the ones down below. And don’t forget to scrub the tongue.”

  Alex’s mom yanked the toothbrush out of her mouth. “Stop that! I’m the dentist. I’m the only one allowed to put her hands in someone else’s mouth.”

  George hurried over to the spit sink next to the dental chair. “You want to rinse?” he asked Alex’s mom.

  “Dude, no!” Alex shouted nervously. “Keep away from the water.”

  Too late! George’s hands were already on the little squirty thing in the sink. They turned on the faucet. George held the squirter up in the air. Water began flying all over the office. He looked like a George fountain.

  POP! And then, suddenly, George felt all the air rush right out of him. It was like someone had popped a balloon in the bottom of his belly. The super burp was gone.

  But George was still there. With water squirting all over him.

  He opened his mouth to say, “I’m sorry.” And that’s exactly what came out.

  “We’d better go,” Alex said, quickly pushing George out the door. “I have plenty of stuff for my report.”

  “Oh no you don’t!” Alex’s mom said, stopping the boys in their tracks. “George isn’t going anywhere until he cleans up this mess.”

  George frowned. He knew that was coming. Not that he blamed Alex’s mom. There was water everywhere. And even though it wasn’t really his fault, it sure seemed like it was.

  “Okay,” George said. “Where do you keep the sponges?”

  Alex’s mom shook her head. “You’re not using a sponge,” she told him as she walked over to a nearby shelf and picked up a toothbrush. “You’re using this to scrub up the mess. And you’d better get started. Because with a toothbrush this small, it could take you all day.”

  George frowned. He was getting really sick of toothbrushes. Almost as sick as he was of magical super burps.

  “Dude! You’re back!” Alex cheered as Chris walked into the school yard with George on Monday morning.

  “Yeah. I’m lice-free,” Chris said. “It was such a hassle. I had to sit there for what seemed like an hour while some lady picked through my hair looking for lice nits.”

  “That’s a career I never want to have,” George said. “Nitpicker.”

  “That lady is getting a lot of business these days,” Chris said. “Half the school has lice.”

  “Hi, Georgie!”

  George gulped. Even without turning around, he knew who was calling him. Sage was back!

  “Did you miss me?” she asked, coming up beside George. “I missed you.”

  Oh brother. “A lot of people were out with lice,” George told her. “It was hard to miss everyone.”

  “I had lice, too,” Chris told Sage. “Did you have to wash your hair with that really smelly shampoo?”

  “Uh-huh.” Sage nodded. “My mom had to wash everything in my room in hot water, and she bagged up my stuffed animals for a whole week. She wasn’t happy.”

  “Julianna got lice over the weekend,” Alex said. “I talked to her last night. She went to the baseball center yesterday to do some batting practice and came home scratching. I bet she got lice from one of the helmets they make kids wear to protect their heads from being hit.”

  “Too bad they don’t protect them from lice,” Chris said.

  “I hope Julianna gets back in time for Career Day tomorrow,” George said. “I need all my friends here to go to my dad’s booth.”

  “It looks like a lot of kids are absent today,” Alex said, looking around the school yard. “I wonder if they’re going to have to cancel Career Day. You may not have to worry about that bet after all, George.”

  George opened his mouth to say something, but before he could, Louie came rolling over on his wheelie sneakers.

  “I figured you’d be really worried by now,” Louie said. He looked down at George’s hand. “You better polish that thing up really well tonight. I like wearing shiny jewelry.”

  “I’m not worried about anything,” George insisted. “My dad’s going to make his career sound really interesting. Kids will want to hear about it. And they’ll come to his booth. I mean, if there are even any kids here tomorrow.”

  “Oh, there will be,” Louie told him. “Even if it’s just a few kids. That won’t matter. As long as more of the kids who are there come to hear my dad talk than hear yours. I spent Saturday at my dad’s office learning about lawyer stuff. His job is very interesting.”

  “As interesting as riding in a helicopter?” Alex asked Louie. “Because that’s what I did when George and I visited the army base.”

  George didn’t say anything about cleaning the latrines with a toothbrush. He didn’t mention cleaning a dental office with a toothbrush, either. Instead he smiled at Louie. “Yeah,” he said. “Helicopters are way cooler than desks. You better tie those shoelaces. I don’t want you tripping and scratching the leather on my soon-to-be new wheelie sneakers!”

  Louie frowned. That helicopter thing had obviously made him nervous. But he was trying really hard not to sound that way. “A helicopter’s not such a big thing,” he said. “It’s not like your dad owns his own helicopter. You should see the giant desk my dad has in his office. It’s his own. He doesn’t share it with anyone. And it’s huge! I got to sit behind my dad’s desk. I saw his big, heavy, expensive law books. He has, like, a million of them. And we talked about how you go to court and sue people.”

  George smiled brighter and looked down at Louie’s wheelie sneakers. Louie sounded kind of nervous. Those just might become George’s sneakers after all.

  Brrrriiinnnng. The school bell rang. It was time to go to class. Alex, Chris, and George headed toward the school building. Sage hurried to catch up to them.

  Mike and Louie were walking into the building, too. George could hear them talking behind him.

  “Listen, I need you to make sure my dad gets a lot of kids to come to his booth,” Louie told Mike. “I don’t care what you do to get them there.”

  “But I’m supposed to be telling people to go to my dad’s booth,” Mike said.

  “I thought you were my friend,” Louie snarled.

  “Oh, I am,” Mike said. “Your best friend. I mean, look, I’m here with you today and Max isn’t.”

  “Max has lice,” Louie reminded him.

  “Yeah, but I didn’t get lice on purpose, just so I could be here with you, Louie,” Mike insisted.

  That was the most ridiculous thing George had ever heard. But he wasn’t supposed to have heard it. So he didn’t say a word. He just kept listening.

  “I’ll pay you to help me,” Louie told Mike. “A quarter for every person you get int
o that booth. That could add up to a lot of moola! And kids can visit your dad’s booth after they visit my dad’s.”

  “You can count on me,” Mike said finally. “I’ll get you tons of kids. I’ll have to, because Max isn’t here to help.” He sounded really proud to be Louie’s only buddy at school.

  “Don’t worry,” Louie said. “I’m gonna get Max to call all the other kids who are home with lice to make sure they get their heads cleaned up by tomorrow so they can visit my dad’s booth.”

  George gulped. That wasn’t fair. Louie was hiring his friends to help him win the bet. He opened his mouth to yell at Louie and Mike. But then he stopped himself. He didn’t want Louie to know he’d been eavesdropping. And besides, Louie would just deny everything and say George had heard him wrong.

  George was going to have to work even harder now to get kids to his dad’s booth. Only there was no way he was going to cheat. The new-and-improved George didn’t cheat. And he wouldn’t ask his friends to cheat, either.

  George was going to win this bet fair and square. But it wasn’t going to be easy to do when he was up against a jerk like Louie.

  “I’m really glad I got back to school in time for this,” Julianna said as she, George, Chris, and Alex walked into the gym on Tuesday morning. “Career Day looks amazing.”

  “Yeah,” George agreed. He looked out at the rows of booths that lined the gym. “If it weren’t for the basketball hoops, you’d never know this was the same place we played crab soccer. I wonder how they got rid of that stinky gym-sock smell.”

  “My mom’s booth is over by the locker room,” Alex said. “It still kind of smells there. Where’d they put your dad?”

  “Under the basketball hoop, down at the other end,” George replied. “The booth’s set up so kids get to go through an obstacle course. Then he shows them a video about US soldiers stationed all over the world helping people. He’s even got a model tank and a model helicopter kids can look at.”