Who's Afraid of Fourth Grade? Read online

  Then she remembered that from time to time Mr. Starkey kept a lot of music books and papers in his desk. Maybe there was something in one of them.

  Katie opened the top desk drawer. There was a pile of papers inside. She rustled through them, looking for a chart or a picture—anything that might show her how to make a B-flat on a sax or a flute. But there was nothing like that in the drawer.

  Instead, Katie found herself looking through a pile of poems with names like “Fire in My Brain,” “Love Strikes Like Lightning,” and “I Can’t Take No More.” They sounded like rock song titles or something.

  Whatever they were, they weren’t going to help Katie right now. She dug deeper into the drawer. “Oops,” she mumbled as a pile of photographs fell to the floor.

  She bent over and picked up the pictures. “Whoa!” she exclaimed.

  “What?” George asked, practically leaping out of his tuba.

  “Yeah, what?” Kadeem echoed.

  “It’s Mr. Starkey . . . I mean me . . . playing drums in a rock band. Wow. How cool is that?” She studied the photo. There was Mr. Starkey in a tie-dyed shirt and a bandana sitting behind a huge drum set. The name of his band—the Downhill Slide—was written across the bass drum.

  Becky looked at her curiously. “Didn’t you know you played in a rock band?” she asked, confused.

  “I . . . er . . . of course I did,” Katie stammered. “I just didn’t know I had the pictures here. Anyway, let’s get started with ‘Yankee Doodle.’ If there’s a note you don’t know, just skip it, and go on to the next one.”

  “Won’t that sound weird?” Jeremy asked her.

  Katie shrugged. “I don’t think so.”

  “But . . .” Kevin began.

  Katie looked at the kids. “Come on, you guys. You don’t want to be playing ‘Hot Cross Buns’ for the rest of your lives, do you?”

  Chapter 18

  Katie raised her arms and began to conduct just the same way Mr. Starkey always did. But it didn’t seem to be working. The kids weren’t following her rhythm at all.

  To make it worse, her arms were starting to hurt. Conducting the beginning band was hard work!

  OOOOOOMMMMMPAAAA! George’s tuba sounded like it was going to explode.

  Squeeeeeeeeek! Emma’s flute sounded like chalk scratching against a blackboard.

  Kevin blew so hard into his trumpet that spit flew everywhere.

  “Ooh, gross!” Becky shouted. Clang! She dropped her horn as she reached to check the back of her head for spit.

  Jeremy kept drumming, trying to keep up with the different rhythms Katie was conducting. He was throwing everyone else completely off.

  “Stop!” Katie shouted finally. “Put down your instruments.”

  The kids all looked at her strangely. Mr. Starkey had never made them stop before the end of the song before. And he’d never yelled at them. When Mr. Starkey wanted the kids to put their instruments down, he simply lowered his arms.

  “That was awful,” Katie told the kids. “You sound like you’ve never played before.”

  “We’ve never played this before,” Kevin reminded her. “I’ve never even seen some of these notes.”

  “Me neither. I skipped all the ones I didn’t know. I finished before everyone else did.” George sounded really proud, like he’d won a race or something.

  Katie frowned. “You guys can play this correctly if you want to. I learned it.”

  “Of course you did. You’re a music teacher,” Kadeem reminded her.

  Oh, yeah. Katie had forgotten again.

  “You’re right,” she told Kadeem. “And it’s my job to teach you this song. So let’s try it again.”

  Katie raised her arms. The kids picked up their instruments and started to play.

  Yikes! The song sounded even worse this time. It seemed like whenever someone didn’t know how to play a note, they just played the wrong one louder.

  In the middle of everything, Katie heard a loud bell ringing. It didn’t sound like any instrument she knew.

  “Mr. Starkey,” Jeremy shouted loudly over the noise. “The classroom phone is ringing.”

  “What?” Katie screamed.

  “The phone!” Jeremy yelled even louder.

  “Okay, everyone, keep working on the song,” Katie shouted as she picked up the phone and took it out into the hall.

  “Mr. Starkey!” the voice on the other end shouted.

  “Who is this?”

  “Mr. Kane!”

  Katie gulped. It was the principal. He sounded really mad!

  “What is going on in that classroom?” Mr. Kane demanded.

  “We’re practicing,” Katie told him.

  “Well, stop it. I’ve been getting complaints from teachers all over the school! There are still classes going on, you know!”

  “But it’s a new song and . . .”

  “That’s not a song!” Mr. Kane insisted. “It’s noise. Why can’t you get those children to play correctly?”

  “You’re not being fair!” Katie told him. “I’m trying. It’s really hard being a music teacher.”

  “If you can’t control your students, I will. I’m coming to the band room right now.”

  Katie dropped the phone. Oh, no! The principal was coming. She was going to be in big trouble.

  Right then, Katie didn’t care that she was supposed to be a grown man. She was a fourth-grade girl who didn’t want to get in trouble with the principal. So she did what any scared fourth-grade girl would do. She ran into the girls room to hide.

  As she opened the door, two girls began to scream, “There’s a man in the girls bathroom!”

  Oops! Katie had forgotten she was Mr. Starkey. Quickly, she raced out into the hallway, and looked for a place where she could be alone.

  The teachers’ lounge. There was no one in there! She raced down the hall.

  Katie hurried into the lounge and slammed the door shut. She hid behind the couch—just in case Mr. Kane tried to look for her in there. She was way down the hall from the band room, but she could still hear the kids practicing, just like she’d told them to. They sounded awful! No wonder all the teachers had been complaining.

  Then she heard loud, angry footsteps coming down the hall. That had to be Mr. Kane. What a mess the magic wind had gotten her into this time.

  Just then, Katie felt a cool breeze on the back of her neck. She knew what that meant.

  The magic wind had returned!

  The wind picked up speed. Before long, a full-power tornado was swirling rapidly around Katie. She closed her eyes tight as the magic wind turned faster and faster. It spun her around like a top.

  And then it stopped. Just like that.

  Katie Kazoo was back.

  But where was Mr. Starkey?

  Katie heard a loud noise coming from the band room.

  Oh, no! Mr. Starkey was in trouble.

  Big trouble!

  Chapter 19

  Katie raced out of the teachers’ lounge and darted down the hall. She reached the band room just moments after Mr. Kane did. She could hear the principal speaking angrily to Mr. Starkey.

  “What a racket!” he shouted. “Haven’t you been able to teach these children anything?”

  “They know ‘Hot Cross Buns,’ ” Mr. Starkey told him nervously. “We’ve been working very hard on it.”

  “That didn’t sound at all like ‘Hot Cross Buns’ to me,” Mr. Kane insisted.

  “That’s because we were playing ‘Yankee Doodle,’ ” Kadeem interrupted. “It’s a hard song. Most of us haven’t learned all the notes yet.”

  “Then why were they playing it?” Mr. Kane asked Mr. Starkey.

  “They weren’t,” he replied.

  “Yes, we were,” Kadeem insisted.

  “Well, I mean, they were, but they shouldn’t have been. They must have . . . oh, I don’t know. It’s all so fuzzy.” The music teacher sounded very confused.

  “Mr. Starkey, you and I will discuss this later
,” Mr. Kane said angrily. “As for you, children, everyone in this band must add an extra sixty minutes of instrument practice a day to his or her homework.”

  George gasped. “That’s an extra hour . . .”

  “A day!” Kevin finished his thought.

  “Yes. Every day. Without fail. That’s what you’ll have to do if you want to stay in the band,” Mr. Kane told them.

  George slipped out of his tuba. “Then I’m out of here!”

  “Me too,” Kevin agreed. He took his trumpet and walked out of the band room.

  “Hey, you guys, wait for me!” Kadeem added, running after them.

  “I don’t have time for an hour a day of practicing—not with soccer and everything,” Jeremy told Mr. Starkey as he handed him his drumsticks.

  “Jeremy, wait for me,” Becky called, running after him.

  Emma W. couldn’t handle the new rule, either. “I’m sorry, Mr. Starkey,” she said sweetly as she left the room. “I have a lot of chores at home. It was hard enough for me to fit in fifteen minutes a day.”

  Mr. Kane looked around the empty band room. “Well, that’s that,” he told the music teacher. “You’ll have to focus your attention on the fifth and sixth-grade performing groups. I hope you have better luck with them. I was hoping to have a musical group perform at the all-school picnic this year.”

  The principal stormed out of the room. Mr. Starkey was left alone, wondering what had happened.

  Chapter 20

  That afternoon, Katie went to Jeremy’s house to play. George, Becky, and Kevin came along too.

  “Wow, Katie, you really missed it,” Jeremy told her. “Mr. Kane was so mad.”

  “Imagine him wanting us to practice an hour a day. Fifteen minutes was plenty,” George added.

  “The band’s lousy, anyway,” Kevin added. “Mr. Starkey’s a crummy conductor.”

  Katie frowned. Everything that had happened in band today had been her fault—not Mr. Starkey’s. Of course, she couldn’t tell her friends that.

  “Mr. Starkey’s just plain chicken,” George continued. “He let Mr. Kane yell at us when it was all his fault.”

  “He acted like he didn’t even know why we were playing ‘Yankee Doodle,’ ” Becky agreed.

  “I’m glad I’m out of the band,” Jeremy said. “Music’s for geeks like Mr. Starkey.”

  “Now that I don’t have to practice my French horn, I can spend more time on my gymnastics,” Becky agreed. She did a perfect cartwheel. “Gymnastics isn’t for geeks.”

  Now Katie felt really bad. Not only had the kids all quit the band, but now they hated music too. This was awful!

  “We sounded so horrible,” Jeremy continued. “It hurt my ears. AROOOOO!” He howled like a dog in pain.

  Becky laughed and howled too. “Hey, maybe we can do a howling duet at the all-school picnic,” she joked.

  George covered his ears. “Maybe not,” he told her.

  “The all-school picnic! That’s it!” Katie shouted out suddenly. She leaped up and began to run back toward Cherrydale Elementary School.

  “Where are you going?” Jeremy called after her.

  But Katie didn’t answer. She didn’t have time. She had to save the fourth-grade beginning band!

  Mr. Starkey was in the band room putting away some sheet music when Katie arrived at the door. He looked up at her and sighed.

  “Are you giving up the clarinet too?” he asked.

  Katie shook her head. “No way. Music’s fun.”

  “You’re the only fourth-grader who seems to think so.” Mr. Starkey shook his head. “I can’t believe the kids don’t love playing their instruments. Music is the greatest thing there is. And musicians are really cool people.”

  “But none of us have ever met a real musician,” Katie replied.

  “I’m a musician,” Mr. Starkey reminded her.

  “Yeah, but we think of you as a teacher. The kids at school have never seen you drum with the Downhill Slide.”

  “How did you know about my band?”

  Katie gulped. “I . . . um . . . er . . . I just heard about it,” she said quickly. “Anyway, I bet the kids would think music was awesome if they could see you in a tie-dyed shirt, drumming with a rock and roll band. You could even wear an earring.”

  “How did you know I used to wear an earring?”

  Katie sighed. Mr. Starkey was missing the point. “I just think if you and your band were to play at the picnic, the kids would see how cool music could be. Then maybe . . .”

  “Maybe they’d join the beginning band again,” Mr. Starkey finished her thought. He shrugged. “It’s worth a try, I guess.”

  “Then you’ll do it?” Katie asked excitedly.

  “Sure. Why not? The guys and I always love playing for a live audience. Even if your plan doesn’t work, we’ll have a fun afternoon.”

  “Oh, it will work,” Katie assured him. “It just has to.”

  Chapter 21

  “Katie, I can’t believe you won’t try this fried chicken,” Suzanne said between bites of her drumstick at the all-school picnic. “It’s unbelievable.”

  “You know I don’t eat anything that ever had a face,” Katie reminded her.

  “Come on, Katie. One bite,” Suzanne waved the drumstick in the air.

  Mr. Guthrie was walking by while the girls were talking. He turned and smiled at Katie. “Don’t let her tease you, Katie Kazoo,” he said. “I’m a vegetarian too. Have you tried the corn on the cob?”

  Katie smiled. It might have sounded funny if a different teacher had called her Katie Kazoo. But Katie was getting used to the fact that Mr. G. was no ordinary teacher.

  “You vegetarians don’t know what you’re missing,” Suzanne told them both. She took another huge bite of chicken and looked up at the stage. Drums, microphones, and electric guitars were all set up there. “I wonder who this mystery band is.”

  Katie smiled. For once, she knew something before Suzanne did. “You’ll find out soon,” she told her. “The sign said they’d be going on at two-thirty. It’s almost that time now.”

  Sure enough, a few moments later, Mr. Kane took to the stage. “Is everyone having fun?” he shouted into a microphone.

  “YEAH!” the crowd of kids, teachers, and parents all shouted back to him.

  “That’s great!” the principal cheered. “Now get ready to dance. Please welcome the Downhill Slide, featuring our own Mr. Starkey on drums!”

  Mr. Starkey and his band ran onto the stage and began playing one of their rock songs.

  All the kids rushed to the chairs and sat down in front of the stage.

  “Check out Mr. Starkey!” Emma said to Katie. “I can’t believe that’s really him!”

  Katie smiled.

  Just then, Jessica pushed her way toward them.

  “Hey, make some space for me!” Jessica shouted over the music.

  “You can slide right in here, Jess,” Emma said.

  Katie smiled again. It looked like Jessica and Emma had made up, just like she and Suzanne had.

  “Check out Mr. Starkey!” Suzanne exclaimed. “He’s dressed like a rock star.”

  It was true. The music teacher was wearing a tie-dyed tank top and a pair of jeans. He had a purple bandana tied around his head.

  “I think he’s wearing an earring,” Miriam gasped. “Look. There’s a hoop in his left ear.”

  “He’s a really good drummer,” Jeremy added. “Check out the way he’s banging those cymbals.”

  “I think he must practice a lot. You can’t get good at an instrument unless you do,” Katie remarked.

  Kevin and his brother Ian bopped over to where the fourth-graders were standing.

  “You guys are so lucky,” Ian told the fourth-graders. “Your music teacher’s cool. When I went to Cherrydale Elementary, the music teacher was a real geek. He’d never play awesome music like this.”

  The kids all looked at one another.

  “He is kind of cool,” Kadeem
had to admit as Mr. Starkey jammed on his drums. “It’s like having a rock star right at our school.”

  “I wonder if I’ll ever be that good on drums,” Jeremy wondered out loud.

  “You won’t be now that you quit playing,” Katie said.

  “Who says I quit?”

  “You did,” Katie reminded him.

  “Yeah, well . . . I un-quit!” Jeremy declared. “I think being a musician is awesome.”

  “Me too,” George agreed. “You guys think I could play rock-and-roll tuba?”

  Katie giggled.

  At the end of the song, the audience cheered wildly. Mr. Starkey grinned and spoke into his microphone. “Thanks, Cherrydale!” he exclaimed. “The next song we’re going to play is kind of new for us. But we’ve been practicing it a lot this week. We’re dedicating this tune to a very special member of the beginning band! This song goes out to you, Clarinet.”

  The kids all stared at Katie. She smiled back at them.

  “One, two, three,” Mr. Starkey shouted out as he tapped his sticks in the air. The band started to play.

  “I know this song from somewhere,” Becky said.

  “It’s really familiar,” Emma agreed.

  “I don’t think they play it on the radio,” Suzanne said.

  “So where have we heard it?” Kevin wondered.

  Katie listened to a few more notes. “Oh my gosh!” She started to laugh. “That’s ‘Hot Cross Buns’ . . . with a rock beat!” she declared.

  Chapter 22

  Katie was really psyched to go to school on Monday morning. She couldn’t wait to get to band practice, so she could work on “Hot Cross Buns.” Maybe Mr. Starkey would let the kids turn it into a rock song, just like the Downhill Slide had.

  But band practice wasn’t the only exciting thing happening in Cherrydale Elementary School. As it turned out, life in class 4A was pretty thrilling too.

  When the kids walked into the classroom on Monday morning, they found Mr. Guthrie standing by the glass tank. “Yo, dudes!” the teacher greeted them. “Come here. The egg is starting to hatch. Look at how cool!”

  Katie threw down her bookbag and ran toward the back of the room. She peered into the tank. Sure enough, their class egg was finally cracking.