It's a Bird, It's a Plane, It's Toiletman! Read online

  “I didn’t say you were the bad guy,” Jimmy Lane corrected him. “I said that there seems to be some similarities between you and the bad guy in Chris’s comic book.”

  Louie glared at Chris. “I’m going to sue you! My dad is a rich lawyer. He never loses a case. You’re gonna be broke!”

  “Yeah, his dad is the best lawyer in the whole world,” Max said.

  “The whole universe,” Mike added.

  “He’d lose this case,” Jimmy Lane told him. “Because Mean Mr. Moneybags isn’t really you. He’s just a parody of a spoiled, rich brat.”

  “If you sue, you’ll be admitting that you’re a spoiled brat, Louie,” George said. “Are you?”

  “Go ahead and sue, Louie,” Mike added. “You’ll win for sure. There’s no bigger brat than you.”

  “Yeah!” Max shouted. “You’re the spoiledest.”

  Louie glared at his friends.

  Max and Mike shut up really, really fast.

  “Yeah . . . well,” Louie muttered. “There’s no point in suing Chris, anyway. He’s not going to make any money on this stupid comic book.”

  Just then, Julianna and her older sister, Sasha, came running over. They were each holding a copy of the Toiletman comic book.

  “Will you sign this for me?” Sasha asked Chris.

  “Sure,” Chris said happily. He pulled out a marker and signed his name.

  “Mine too, please,” Julianna said.

  Chris signed her comic book, too.

  “Oh brother!” Louie groaned. “You two are ridiculous. Nobody in his right mind would—”

  Before Louie could finish his sentence, a third kid walked over. He was holding several copies of Chris’s Toiletman comic book.

  “Chris, I just bought five of these,” he said. “After you sign them, I’m going to keep them in our family safe. When you’re famous, I’ll sell them for a fortune.”

  Louie’s eyes bugged. “Sam?” he said. “You’re buying those?”

  George started to laugh. Sam was Louie’s older brother. Louie thought Sam was the greatest kid who ever lived. He was always trying to copy him.

  “You should buy some copies of this comic, too, Louie,” Sam said. “Your friend Chris is really talented. He’s going to be a big deal one day.”

  “B-b-but . . . ,” Louie stammered. He didn’t know what to say to that.

  “Georgie!”

  Just then, George heard a familiar, annoying voice coming from the front of the store. It was Sage. And she was calling him Georgie again.

  “There you are,” Sage said excitedly as she walked over to where George was standing. She did that crazy batting-her-eyelashes thing. “I’ve been looking for you.”

  “Um . . . don’t you mean you were looking for Max and Mike?” George asked her nervously.

  Max and Mike backed as far away from Sage as they could get.

  “She said ‘Georgie,’” Max told George.

  “Yeah, I heard her,” Mike agreed.

  George had heard her, too. He was just hoping he’d heard wrong.

  “Oh, I’ve decided that paper fortune-teller could never be right,” Sage told George.

  “Why not?” George asked her.

  “Well, for one thing, I left it in my pocket when my mom washed my jeans,” Sage explained. “It came out of the wash looking like a blob. How can a blob of paper predict the future?”

  George looked hopelessly at his friends.

  “She’s got ya there,” Alex said with a shrug.

  “Blobby paper can’t predict much,” Julianna agreed.

  “Blobby Paper . . . ,” Chris repeated. “That’s a great name for a comic book villain.”

  Alex and Julianna laughed.

  But George didn’t think there was anything funny about any of this.

  “Here’s a real fortune-teller,” Sage said. She pulled out a big purple ball.

  “What is that?” George asked her.

  “It’s a magic grape ball,” Sage explained. “It was my mom’s when she was a kid. She said it predicted her life perfectly. It’s much more reliable than a paper fortune-teller.”

  Julianna walked over to get a closer look at the plastic grape ball. “How does it work?” she asked.

  “You ask the ball a question. Then you turn it over, and your answer appears. Watch.” Sage looked down at the ball. “Is Georgie the boy of my dreams?” she asked.

  No. No. No, George thought to himself. Say no.

  Sage turned the ball over. She looked at the message on the bottom and smiled.

  “It says, ‘Absolutely,’” she said happily. “See, Georgie?” she added, holding the ball out so George could get a better look.

  Ugh. It said it all right.

  But right now, George was only absolutely sure about one thing.

  Gurgle-blurgle.

  Oh no. Not the magical super burp. Not now. George couldn’t turn into gassy George—not in front of all these people, and a newspaper reporter!

  Schmurgle-durgle.

  Hey! Wait a minute. Those weren’t bubbles down there. Those were hunger pains. Phew.

  George reached up and pulled a couple of popcorn kernels out of his hair.

  GThen he popped them into his mouth. Okay, so hairy popcorn wasn’t exactly George’s idea of a great snack. But at least it was something.

  Hunger was easy to get rid of. All you had to do was eat.

  Too bad it wasn’t that easy to get rid of a magical super burp.

  “Georgie,” Sage said as she batted her eyelashes up and down. “Do you want to go out for ice cream after the party? Just the two of us?”

  George rolled his eyes. He wouldn’t mind getting rid of Sage, either. She was as annoying as the super burp . . .

  Well, almost as annoying, anyway.

  Nancy Krulik is the author of more than 150 books for children and young adults, including three New York Times Best Sellers and the popular Katie Kazoo, Switcheroo books. She lives in New York City with her family, and many of George Brown’s escapades are based on things her own kids have done. (No one delivers a good burp quite like Nancy’s son, Ian!) Nancy’s favorite thing to do is laugh, which comes in pretty handy when you’re trying to write funny books! You can follow Nancy on Twitter: @NancyKrulik.

  Aaron Blecha was raised by a school of giant squid in Wisconsin and now lives with his family by the south English seaside. He works as an artist designing funny characters and illustrating humorous books, including the one you’re holding. You can enjoy more of his weird creations at www.monstersquid.com.

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