My Robot Ate My Homework Read online

  Java was quiet for a moment. His eyes rolled around in his head. I figured his hard drive was trying to compute what I had just said.

  “I will help you, Logan,” Java told me finally.

  “Terrific!” I handed my math book to Java. “Why don’t you start with this? We have to do all the problems on pages seventeen and eighteen.”

  “Yes, Logan,” he agreed.

  My genius cousin went right to work doing my subtraction problems.

  Meanwhile, I sat on my bed and practiced pulling a turtle out of my magic hat. That’s no easy trick. It’s almost as hard as math—at least for me.

  But math isn’t hard for Java.

  “All finished!” he said a moment later.

  “Great,” I told him. “Now, here’s my spelling homework.” I handed him my spelling book.

  Then I went outside to kick my soccer ball against the side of the house.

  “All finished!” Java called to me from my window a few minutes later.

  “Good job,” I replied. “Now read the first three chapters in the history book.”

  “Okay, Logan,” Java said.

  He opened the book to chapter one.

  I went inside and poured myself a big bowl of Sugar Teeth cereal.

  Having Java help me was working out really well.

  As soon as he finished reading the history pages, Java started working on my science work sheet.

  While he labeled the parts of a cockroach, I clipped my toenails.

  Java got busy clicking around on my computer, looking for a current events article to write about.

  So I got busy making paper airplanes and flying them out the window.

  While Java did my geography homework, I stood on my head and counted backward from ten.

  “All finished!” Java announced finally. “That is the end of your homework, Logan.”

  Just then, my mother walked by. I quickly flipped back over onto my feet.

  “How’s the homework coming, boys?” Mom asked us.

  “Great!” I told her as I put the last work sheet in my homework folder. “We’re both already finished. And I learned so much.”

  It wasn’t a total lie.

  I had learned how to get an airplane to do a loop-the-loop in the air.

  “I’m proud of you, Logan,” Mom said. “You’ve really been working hard.”

  I smiled at her. It felt so nice to get a compliment from Mom.

  Although, I did feel a little guilty.

  But just a little.

  5.

  Cheater, Cheater

  “Here’s another A-plus for you, Logan,” Miss Perriwinkle said as she handed back my homework sheet on Friday afternoon.

  I proudly took the paper from her hand.

  “Logan and Java were the only two who got all the geography questions right—even the one about the Canary Islands,” Miss Perriwinkle announced to the class.

  “I can’t believe I got that one wrong,” Stanley said. “I thought I knew everything about canaries.”

  “The Canary Islands are not named for birds, Stanley,” Java told him. “They are named for canaria, which is the Latin word for dogs.”

  Sherry and Jerry looked at each other and rolled their eyes.

  “What a show-off,” Jerry said.

  “A real know-it-all,” Sherry added.

  I tucked the A-plus geography sheet into my backpack, on top of my A-plus science homework, which was next to my A-plus vocabulary homework.

  I’d been getting A-plus papers back all week. Thanks to Java.

  I sat back and smiled.

  But the Silverspoon twins weren’t smiling. They were not happy that I was finally getting higher grades on my homework than they were.

  The minute Miss Perriwinkle turned her back, Sherry Silverspoon stuck her tongue out at me and crossed her eyes.

  I didn’t care.

  Even the Silverspoons couldn’t make me feel bad today.

  I was the King of the Classroom.

  The Chairman of the Chalkboard.

  The Prince of the Pencils.

  And a regular old smarty-pants.

  “Okay, boys and girls,” Miss Perriwinkle said. “You better put on your geography thinking caps this weekend. Because on Monday, we’re having a geography bee!”

  “I don’t have information about that kind of bee in my hard drive,” Java said. “I know that honey bees fly at fifteen miles per hour. And that sweat bees—”

  “Sweat bees?” Nadine interrupted him. “Those sound gross.”

  “Sweat bees are dark colored,” Java explained. “And they—”

  Hard drive?

  Sweat bees?

  Uh-oh.

  I had to stop Java from talking, before everyone figured out he wasn’t like the rest of us.

  But Sherry Silverspoon beat me to it.

  “Stop showing off, Java,” Sherry told him. “You learned all that from us.”

  “We taught him a lot of bee facts for the science fair,” Jerry added.

  I couldn’t believe it.

  The Silverspoons didn’t care that Java was acting like a walking, talking encyclopedia.

  They just wanted to take the credit for what he knew.

  “A geography bee has nothing to do with insects,” Miss Perriwinkle explained. “It’s a contest.”

  “How does the contest work?” Nadine asked her.

  “Everyone will line up in the front of the room,” Miss Perriwinkle explained. “I will ask each of you a question. If you answer correctly, you will stay in line. If you answer incorrectly, you will sit down.”

  “It’s kind of like a spelling bee,” Stanley said.

  “Yes,” Miss Perriwinkle told him. “Except I will be asking you geography questions. The last person left standing will be the winner.”

  The Silverspoon twins gave each other a look. I think they were trying to figure out which one of them would be the last one standing.

  Sherry raised her hand.

  “Yes, Sherry?” Miss Perriwinkle asked her.

  “What do we get if we win?” Sherry wondered.

  “The winner will get a medal,” Miss Perriwinkle answered.

  “Not a trophy?” Jerry asked. “Because we like trophies.”

  “We have a lot of them,” Sherry added.

  “The winner gets a medal,” Miss Perriwinkle repeated. She smiled at the rest of us. “This is going to be great. You’ll get to show off everything you learned by doing your homework this week.”

  Gulp.

  Uh-oh.

  I hadn’t actually learned anything doing my homework this week.

  Java had learned it all. He was the one who had done his homework. And mine.

  Which meant on Monday, everyone—including the Silverspoons—was going to know the truth.

  I wasn’t the King of the Classroom.

  Or the Chairman of the Chalkboard.

  Or the Prince of the Pencils.

  I was a cheater.

  Cheater, cheater, poodle eater.

  There was no way I was going to get through the first round of a geography bee. I didn’t know Kalamazoo from Timbuktu.

  This was going to be bad. Really bad.

  6.

  Time’s Up!

  Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh.

  As soon as I got home from school, I threw my backpack on the porch.

  I started pacing nervously up and down the driveway.

  Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh.

  What was I going to do? By Monday morning, my life was going to be over. I was going to be a laughingstock.

  Make that a grounded laughingstock. Because Mom was going to be furious when she found out that I’d gotten Java to do my homework all week.

  I looked over at my android cousin. He was happily lying on our front lawn, counting blades of grass—by twos.

  “Seven thousand six hundred fifty-four,” he said. “Seven thousand six hundred fifty-six. Seven thousand six hundred fi
fty-eight. Seven thousand …”

  “How can you just be lying there, all calm?” I asked him. “Aren’t you nervous about the geography bee?”

  “Why would I be nervous?” Java asked me. “I have all the information in my hard drive.”

  Java was lucky. He had a super-duper, high-powered hard drive.

  All I had was a regular old human brain.

  Wait a minute …

  A brain is sort of like a hard drive. It just doesn’t have as many wires and buttons. So if I could input the geography facts into my hard drive, I might be able to get through the geography bee without making a fool of myself.

  I scooped up my backpack and ran into the house at top speed.

  I found my mom standing in the kitchen. “Hi, Logan,” she said. “Do you want some milk and kiwi?”

  I shook my head. “No thanks,” I said. “Where do we keep that old globe Grandpa gave us?”

  “In my lab, right between Java’s battery charger and the cherry pie machine I made last year,” Mom replied.

  The cherry pie machine! Boy, did I hate that thing.

  The machine had exploded in the middle of our second-grade bake sale. It turned Principal Kumquat into a big, red, cherry-flavored mess.

  After that, I wasn’t allowed to bring anything to bake sales anymore.

  “Why do you need a globe?” Mom asked me.

  “I don’t have time to explain,” I told her. “I have way too much studying to do.”

  The Atlantic Ocean is saltier than the Pacific Ocean, I wrote on a flashcard.

  The only continent that doesn’t have any snakes or reptiles is Antarctica, I wrote on another.

  I put those cards on the top of my growing pile of note cards.

  Then I took another bite of my blueberry and tuna fish sandwich.

  It tasted disgusting. But I kept chewing.

  Java had told me that blueberries and tuna are supposed to be good for your brain. And my brain needed all the help it could get.

  Iceland is green. And Greenland is ice. I wrote on another flashcard.

  Just then, Java walked into my room.

  “Do you want to throw a ball around for a while, Logan?” he asked me.

  “Are you kidding?” I answered. “I have too much studying to do. I can’t find the time to play ball right now.”

  Java’s eyes lit up. He smiled.

  “I can do it!” he shouted.

  Java raced out into the hall. He came back a minute later holding my mom’s big old cuckoo clock.

  “Here,” he told me. “I found the time!”

  Cuckoo. Cuckoo. Cuckoo. Cuckoo. The little bird in the clock popped out and announced the time.

  I looked over at my robot cousin and frowned.

  The clock wasn’t the only thing that was cuckoo in my house.

  7.

  Is There a Zoo in Kalamazoo?

  I thought I was going to pee in my pants.

  That’s how nervous I was as I waited for my turn to answer a question in the geography bee on Monday morning.

  Stanley had already answered his question about where penguins lived correctly. I wasn’t surprised that Stanley knew penguins lived near Antarctica. There wasn’t very much about birds he didn’t know.

  Now it was Jerry Silverspoon’s turn.

  “In what city was the hamburger invented?” Miss Perriwinkle asked him.

  Jerry smiled. “That’s too easy,” he bragged. “I know all about hamburgers. I eat them every Fourth of July. Hamburgers are from Germany.”

  I started to laugh. “Germany’s not a city,” I told him. “It’s a country. Hamburgers come from the city of Hamburg. Which is in Germany.”

  Jerry looked like he was about to cry. “That’s what I meant,” he said.

  Miss Perriwinkle smiled kindly. “It’s okay, Jerry,” she told him. “Take a seat. You’ll do better in the next geography bee.”

  Jerry looked really mad. But he sat down anyway.

  Nadine was next.

  “Where is the largest pyramid found?” Miss Perriwinkle asked her.

  Nadine smiled. She looked like she knew this one for sure.

  “Egypt,” she said.

  Oops. That wasn’t right.

  “Sorry, Nadine,” Miss Perriwinkle told her. “The correct answer is Mexico.”

  Nadine frowned. She headed back to her desk with her head down.

  Now it was Java’s turn.

  “What country gets its name from a Native American word for ‘large village’?” Miss Perriwinkle asked him.

  Java didn’t have to think. “Canada,” he said, right away.

  “That’s right,” Miss Perriwinkle told him.

  And now, finally, it was my turn. This was it.

  As Miss Perriwinkle looked through her list of questions, my knees begin to shake.

  My teeth started chattering.

  And huge butterflies started flying all around in my stomach.

  It didn’t help that Jerry Silverspoon was sitting right in front of me hissing, “Miss, miss, miss,” under his breath.

  “Did you say something, Jerry?” Miss Perriwinkle asked him.

  “Um … I was just saying that Miss Perriwinkle’s dress is very nice today,” Jerry answered.

  What a liar!

  “Thank you, Jerry,” Miss Perriwinkle replied. “But please keep quiet now. It is Logan’s turn to answer a question.”

  Gulp.

  “In what country can you find the world’s largest castle?” my teacher asked me.

  Hooray! This was an easy one. I had read about the castle last night while I was sitting in a bubble bath.

  “It’s the Malbork Castle in Poland,” I said proudly.

  “That is correct,” Miss Perriwinkle replied.

  Phew. One question down.

  About an hour later, we were down to just three people in the geography bee: Sherry Silverspoon, Java, and me.

  Miss Perriwinkle turned to Sherry. “Can you tell me where the first zoo in the United States was built?” she asked.

  Before Sherry could answer, Jerry started cheering her on. “Come on, sister. You know this one. Show the Applebaum airheads just who’s boss.”

  Sherry smiled. “Don’t worry,” she told her brother. “I’ve got this. The first US zoo was built in Kalamazoo.”

  “Ha! You’re wrong!” I exclaimed.

  “Am not,” Sherry told me. “I am never wrong.”

  “You are this time,” I insisted.

  “Logan, be kind,” Miss Perriwinkle scolded me.

  Sherry gave me one of her ha-ha looks. Like she was laughing at me for getting in trouble, without actually laughing at me.

  “But I’m afraid you are wrong, Sherry,” Miss Perriwinkle said.

  I gave Sherry one of my ha-ha looks right back.

  “The first zoo in the United States was built in Philadelphia in 1876,” Java told her. “There is no zoo in Kalamazoo.”

  “Show-off,” Sherry snapped at him as she went back to her seat.

  Now it was just my cousin and me left standing.

  Applebaum verses Applebaum.

  “It’s your turn, Logan,” Miss Perriwinkle told me. “What is the name of the longest river in the world?”

  “That’s easy,” I said. “The Nile River. It’s in Egypt.”

  “Very good,” Miss Perriwinkle said. “Your turn, Java. What do we call openings in the Earth’s surface that sometimes let ash, gas, and hot magma escape?”

  “Volcanoes,” Java answered.

  “Correct!” Miss Perriwinkle said excitedly. She turned to me. “Logan, how much land is there at the North Pole?”

  Huh? I didn’t remember reading anything about the North Pole.

  Little drops of sweat started to form under my nose. I scratched at my armpit nervously.

  I bit my lip and tried to access that information in my hard drive.

  Except I didn’t have a hard drive. I had a brain. And at the moment, it felt completely emp
ty.

  “I-I-I don’t know,” I said finally.

  “Java?” Miss Perriwinkle asked. “Do you know the answer? If you do, you are the winner. If not, both you and Logan will have a chance to answer another question.”

  Java’s eyes began to roll around in his head. I knew that meant he was searching through his database.

  Was it possible he didn’t know the answer either? Did I still have a chance to win?

  Java scratched wildly at the top of his head.

  He wiggled his ears.

  And stuck out his tongue to lick his nose.

  All at the same time.

  Uh-oh. I’d never seen Java do that before.

  Was he short-circuiting?

  Or overheating?

  I sure hoped not.

  I didn’t want my cousin to explode in front of everyone. Even if it meant I would win the geography bee.

  Finally, Java said, “That is a trick question, Miss Perriwinkle. There is no land at the North Pole. It is all ice on top of seawater.”

  Miss Perriwinkle stood up and started clapping.

  “Congratulations, Java. You are the winner of the geography bee.”

  I just stood there. Java had beaten me … again.

  It wasn’t fair.

  He had a big advantage—a hard drive with a fully loaded database. A mere human couldn’t compete with that.

  But, of course, I didn’t say that. I couldn’t say that. Not without giving away Java’s secret.

  So I just shook his hand and said, “Congratulations, cousin.”

  It was the right thing to do.

  You don’t need a hard drive to know that nobody likes a sore loser.

  8.

  Smart Parts

  “Java, Java! Hooray! Yippee! He just won our geography bee!” A bunch of the kids in my class were cheering for Java as we ran out onto the playground for recess.

  The Silverspoon twins were not cheering. They were angry. I could tell by the way they stormed over to Stanley and me.

  “Your cousin cheated,” Sherry told me. “There’s no way anyone could do what he did.”